Do introverted children have a harder time?

Mrs Bardill, why do introverted children and young people have a harder time today than in the past?

Society has changed a lot in the last hundred years. In the past, a calm, thoughtful, well-structured person such as Abraham Lincoln or Albert Einstein was viewed favourably. Today, however, typical characteristics of introversion are often viewed critically. This often affects children. For example, they are expected to have lots of friends, be actively involved at school or prefer to play outside in the playground rather than alone in their room.

The school demands a lot of initiative from the children.

Yes, that's true. The expectations and requirements at school have changed significantly. Children are expected and encouraged to actively participate. There are also significantly more group-orientated activities and children generally have to give more presentations. All of this tends to be more difficult for introverted children. Constantly changing groups or class formations as well as teacher changes, to which they have to constantly readjust, can also be a problem for these children.

About the person:

Are introverted children underestimated at school?

I would say they are misinterpreted. They can appear slow, disinterested and hesitant, some even call them «stupid». However, the child may think a lot and be focussed, very focused. Introverted adults are often seen as reserved and arrogant. Some are also told that they see themselves as something better.

Why are extraverted people rated more positively?

There is a change in values in society. Today, an incredible amount of value is placed on communication and teamwork skills, assertiveness and presentation skills. Quick and spontaneous answers are valued. Even at school and in training. The problem with this is that these are all characteristics that tend to be attributed to extraverted people.

Give us an example.

A teacher introduces a new topic in the subject of people and the environment, for example an animal, let's take the wolf. She asks the class who has already heard about it, who has seen one, who knows anything about it. It is almost always only the extraverted children who respond, although the introverts would certainly have a lot to say about it.

Why is that?

It is very difficult for introverted children to show themselves in a large class group. They need a lot of time before they can articulate themselves. At first they let everything go through their heads and are then very preoccupied with their train of thought. They are usually also very perfectionist and their inner critic is omnipresent. Their task is to get involved and learn to show themselves, even if their contribution is not perfect. But this takes a lot of time and patience on the part of the teacher.

How can parents recognise whether their child is introverted?

An extraverted child is always on the lookout for mental and physical nourishment. They virtually seek out activity and tend to always strive forwards. An introverted child, on the other hand, immerses himself in a game alone for hours on end, is constantly processing and is backward-looking. Even in a familiar setting, they usually talk and talk less than the bubbly extraverted children. You could say that introverted children are the opposite of an instant water heater.

Why is more education about introversion and extraversion important?

Knowing whether someone is introverted or extraverted and discussing the topic can be very helpful in relationships, for example between parents and children or between adults in partnerships. The same applies at school or in the workplace. Both characteristics have their sunny and dark sides. If both know each other's character traits, introverts and extraverts can clearly benefit from each other.

How can parents and teachers support and encourage introverted children?

• Wichtig ist in erster Linie, die Selbstakzeptanz und das Selbstvertrauen der Kinder zu fördern. Das Kind sollte die Erfahrung machen, dass es so, wie es ist, angenommen und geliebt wird. Eltern oder Lehrer sollten es nicht unter Druck setzen, sich anders zu verhalten, als es seiner Natur entspricht.
• Die Umgebung zu Hause und in der Schule sollte eher so gestaltet sein, dass die Kinder sich wohlfühlen und sie selbst sein können. Sie dürfen still sein und sich auch mal zurückziehen. Nach der Schule haben sie zum Beispiel erst einmal Zeit für sich und ihre Freizeit ist nicht mit Aktivitäten durchgeplant. Die Eltern sollten ihr Kind nicht mit Fragen löchern, aber Zeit und ein offenes Ohr haben, wenn es etwas erzählen möchte. Auch in der Schule sollte es Rückzugsorte geben, zum Beispiel einen ruhigen Ort zum Lesen, sowie Zeiten, in denen die Kinder einer ruhigen Tätigkeit nachgehen können.
• Wichtig ist aber auch, die Kinder zu ermutigen, ab und zu ihre «Komfortzone» zu erweitern und etwas zu wagen, was sie nicht so gerne machen – am besten behutsam und in kleinen Schritten. So können die Eltern mit ihrem Kind vereinbaren, dass es sich wenigstens zwei bis drei Mal pro Stunde meldet oder dass es eine neue Freizeitaktivität in der Gruppe ausprobiert, aber auch wieder aussteigen kann.
• Eltern und Lehrer können die Stärken der Kinder wie Ausdauer, durchdachte Ideen oder gutes Zuhören gezielt loben, ebenso wenn es etwas gewagt hat, was es nicht so gerne macht – ohne ein grosses «Trara» darum zu machen.
• Lehrer können in der Schule zwischen Aufgaben, die extravertierten Kindern, und solchen, die introvertierten Kindern liegen, wechseln – etwa zwischen Gruppen- und Einzelarbeit. Weil introvertierte Kinder nicht so spontan sind, hilft es ihnen, wenn alle ihre Gedanken zunächst auf Kärtchen schreiben, bevor die Antworten in der Klasse besprochen werden.

Quellen: Buch «Still und stark: Die Kraft introvertierter Kinder und Jugendlicher» von Susan Cain; Empfehlungen von Sina Bardill und Brigitte Stirnemann

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• Understanding highly sensitive children
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