Children need trust, not a digital dog leash

Aren't we living in wonderful times? Day in, day out, digital devices are doing a lot of work for us. Dinner, for example, is prepared almost by itself in the Thermomix, the robot lawnmower discreetly does its rounds in the garden, and soon cars will be driving autonomously on the roads.

All these possibilities, which our ancestors could only dream of, are extremely practical and, above all, very convenient. Nowadays, we can even outsource our children's media education to digital devices. «Parental control» is the technical term for such services.

Child safety lock with flaws

The history of technical media control has always been full of pitfalls. Even with classic television, activating the parental controls failed to have the desired effect. While children cleverly bypassed them, parents could no longer switch on their TV sets.

A few years later, free Internet access posed major challenges for parents, so filtering software was introduced to ensure that children could stay safe online. Positive lists, which were constantly updated, served this purpose.

If it is possible to read all the children's text messages on your own device, the surveillance of childhood is perfect.

However, because this was not enough, some filter programmes required parents to personally enter all the «bad» words that their children should not come across on the web. But there were even more problems. For example, if the term «sex» was blocked for understandable reasons, worried teenagers could no longer access family counselling sites.

In the age of smartphones and tablets in the children's room, the router allows us to restrict media use remotely. Tech-savvy parents set up their own Wi-Fi network for their children with fixed time quotas.

However, the feeling of security does not last very long. It is usually almost effortless for children to find out the password for their parents' unlimited Wi-Fi. What's more, there's no need to have Internet access at all in order to play with the mobile phone uncontrolled for half the night.

The electronic parental control market

Even if many technical restrictions are rarely effective in everyday parenting, there is still a thriving market that wants to satisfy parents' great desire for the perfect technical safety concept. The best example of this are the many colourful GPS watches for children. They are advertised by their manufacturers as the great mobile phone alternative: Parents with children of primary school age can stay in contact with them throughout the day without having to buy a smartphone for them.

These watches have a tracking system so that the child's location can be determined at any time. It is also possible to make phone calls and send voice messages. It even shows the time. What I find disturbing, however, is the so-called «voice monitoring» function: this allows parents to launch an eavesdropping attack - unnoticed by their children - in order to hear where they are at the moment or who they are talking to and about what.

Parents who feel an extremely strong desire for control have anxiety and a disturbance of basic trust.

It is not surprising that some IT experts advise against the purchase of such products, but for other reasons. Some devices come from the Far East, where children's data, such as names or photos, are sometimes said to have been stored unprotected on servers. According to these experts, even third parties could gain access relatively easily and, in the worst case, contact the child. Of course, this is likely to happen very, very rarely.

But the option alone doesn't exactly seem like a convincing safety concept. As soon as children have their own smartphone, a range of safety apps offer a variety of control options.

These programmes must be loaded onto the parent's and child's smartphone so that they can carry out their tasks successfully. For example, adults use them to set usage times, regulate app purchases or prevent unwanted websites from being found.

A tracking function is also often available so that we don't have to worry if the children are dawdling on the way home from school. Some apps also allow parents to check which websites their children have visited. However, if it is then sometimes possible to read all of the children's text messages on your own device, the total surveillance of childhood is perfect.

Excessive control inhibits development

There is a glaring difference between monitoring and surveillance. For ethical reasons alone, it is forbidden to secretly listen to or read children's messages. Apart from that, excessive control inhibits the healthy development of children. Instead of being able to act independently and self-regulate, they subordinate themselves to adults.

A long-term study by the University of Virginia found that these children later had poorer educational qualifications, among other things, and did not have good bonding skills in love relationships and friendships as adults.

Parents who feel an extremely strong desire for control have anxiety and a lack of basic trust. Both can be transferred to children. Nevertheless, I can very much understand the desire for protection.

We all want safety for our children, even if it doesn't really exist online or out on the street. Because we love our children, because we want to protect them from any harm.

For this reason alone, we need to keep a close eye on certain aspects such as usage times and digital content. Open discussions, mutual agreements and a lot of trust are particularly promising. As children are not good at regulating themselves, we should help them learn to do so. The education of our children is far too important to be left to digital devices.