«Children don't need non-stop entertainment»

Many families have the feeling that the clocks are turning faster and faster and that they themselves can barely keep up. But how can we pause and organise our everyday lives more consciously? Time expert Anna Jelen talks about what is important.

Mrs Jelen, your work is all about time. How did this come about?

I was born with a fascination for time. Even as a child, I was preoccupied with the limited time in life. I observed how adults managed their time and didn't understand why certain people remained in an unhappy situation for a «long time». «Why don't they change it?» was a common question I asked my parents. Today I understand that even back then it broke my heart when someone didn't live their life to the full.

You often talk about a concept that you call «create moments». What can we expect from this?

When I was 17 years old, I got lost in the mountains with my dog and nearly froze to death. Completely exhausted, I lay in the snow in the dark and thought it was over now. Then my life was shown to me again in front of my inner eye, in the form of pictures. One after the other, every second. I realised that our lives are made up of moments. But what amazed me most of all was that it wasn't the spectacular things that I saw.

But what?

It was mainly moments from my everyday life, for example sitting at the table with my father at my favourite Italian restaurant. I remember the table decorations, our clothes, the smell. It was only later that I realised that this moment wasn't spectacular, but it was emotionally significant: because I had had my father to myself that evening and hadn't had to share him with my siblings. We remember emotionally intense moments. And we can experience these every day. But we need to have a rhythm that allows us to do this. When we run through the day, we run past these moments.

Today, many people suffer from a lack of time and the feeling of being constantly behind with their tasks, even children. How can this be explained?

This is a subjective assessment, but there is a lot of truth in it. The day still has 24 hours, but there has been an «explosion of opportunities» in recent years. Not only has the workload increased, but also the range of activities. We believe that we have to or want to do so much, partly because we are reminded daily by the media of all the things that are still possible. There is a mismatch between the time we actually have available and our expectations, and this frustrates us and puts us under pressure - adults and children alike. So you lie in bed at night and think: «Now I didn't get round to doing this and that again ...» It has never been so important to know what you say no to or what you say yes to.

How can children be taught a healthy and mature approach to time?
time?

First of all, you have to have the openness to think about life as a whole: What makes a fulfilled life? With what attitude do I want to go through life? Children observe the example we set for them: How do we go through the day? Are we relaxed or stressed? Are we victims or co-creators? Then you can philosophise about life with children and dream together. Or «create moments»: consciously turn small everyday moments into an emotional experience, whether learning, playing together or cooking and eating with the family.

How exactly do you do that?

By not having a tight schedule for the entire day. It is important to make room for unplanned moments in between the discipline. Because these could be moments that shape your life and make it worth living.

What advice do you have for families to avoid being pulled along by all the hustle and bustle, the pace and the pressure?

A key question is: «What do we say yes to and what do we say no to?» This is a discussion that you can have again and again as a family. It's fun to refocus from time to time and choose different activities. Maybe this month we'll say yes to «discovering the city». Next month it could be: «experience nature up close». We should also leave room for unexpected moments or perhaps even create them ourselves.

Do you have an example for us?

When my husband and I leave the house with our daughter Nina on our days off, we stand at the exit and ask: Left or right? Then Nina says: Left. At every crossroads anew: Left or right? This is how we experience sensational days filled with unexpected moments. The question is: do we have to offer our children as much as possible? Do we have to fill every weekend with activities such as Europapark or visits to the zoo? Do we even need non-stop entertainment for children (and adults) or are simple «banal» moments enough?

When people talk about the importance of a conscious approach to time, the objection is often raised that many people have little freedom of choice and have to fulfil their obligations. How do you see this?

No matter what situation you're in, it's still up to you to decide what attitude you want to take through life. If I have the attitude of celebrating everyday life, then I get the best out of my work, socialise with people and on the way home I take a little more time, sit at the table for a while at dinner and chat. It may sound cheesy, but in the end, life is made up of moments like these.

About the person:

Anna Jelen, 42, eine typische ­Schwe-Schwe* ist Zeitexpertin, Keynote-Speakerin und Podcasterin. Sie hat ein Bonuskind** namens Nina, 12 Jahre alt, und lebt mit ihrem Ehemann Samuel in Arosa und teilweise in Schweden. *   Schweizerin/Schwedin** nennt man in Schweden ein Kind, das der Partner mit in die Beziehung bringt
Anna Jelen, 42, a typical Schwe-Schwe*, is a time expert, keynote speaker and podcaster. She has a bonus child** called Nina, 12 years old, and lives with her husband Samuel in Arosa and partly in Sweden.

* Swiss/Swedish
** is the name given in Sweden to a child brought into the relationship by a partner

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