Childless people make the wrong argument
We are currently reading a lot about women who are writing essays and articles explaining why it is worth not having children. For example, because life without children is much better. This is also the opinion of those authors who mourn the childless life under the genre term «Regretting Motherhood».
According to the report, motherhood is the worst job, dull and boring: the decision to have children means giving up a career, endless travelling and adventure, a sophisticated life full of freedom, culture and restaurant visits.
You can think as much as you like about parenthood; what motherhood really means only becomes clear through experience.
Instead, you spend your time changing nappies and organising. Not to mention all the physical damage that childbirth and breastfeeding leave behind. And just think of the devastating climate footprint that a child brings with it!
All reasons to congratulate yourself on not having done something like this to yourself. You might think so. What can you say against that? A life without children would certainly be different, perhaps it would be a better life. I don't know, because I decided against it when I decided to have children. Without giving much thought to the wider consequences, I said yes because my father said yes and so did I and because we loved each other. Because it felt right.
You might find that a little naive, or efficient. After all, you can think about parenthood as much as you like; what motherhood really means only becomes clear through experience. And when my first child, my little daughter, looked me in the eye for the first time, I fell madly in love, so that other possible realities of life suddenly no longer played a role.
From bundle, to toddler, to teenager
Everything is reduced to the task of raising this being. Thinking about what life path I would have taken otherwise is at best an intellectual gimmick. And now come these women who write about their life without children in the same way as they write about giving up sugar or alcohol, one lifestyle option among others that makes for more radiant skin and better health and is even better for the environment.
And they are right: sleep is certainly better and health is more stable without children. The fact that these women are sometimes asked why they don't have children is perceived as an imposition, even rude.
Funnily enough, they still spend entire books explaining why life without children is preferable to life with them. You can't blame them for that either, even if it is a little presumptuous. After all, they have no idea what kind of life they would lead if they had children themselves.
What it means to bring them up, to watch them grow from bundles to toddlers, then to teenagers and finally to adults. How profoundly this experience enriches your own existence. It is beyond words. And I, at least, wouldn't miss it for the world.
