Childhood memories - moments that last
When we look back on our lives, we realise that most days have faded due to the daily grind. Our inner archive does not consist of an average of all the days, but of individual, special moments that we can still vividly conjure up even after many years.
These are experiences that are linked to strong emotions. But that's not all: they also have a certain texture, as the brothers Chip and Dan Heath, authors of the book «The Power of Moments», were able to prove. The two found four elements that are common to lasting experiences and characterise us in a positive way. They summarised them in the so-called EPIC formula.
Formative moments
Let's take a closer look at the four individual aspects:
Elevation: This refers to moments that stand out from everyday life. These occur when the usual routine is broken and something unforeseen or unusual happens. We may remember the first day at school, the first feelings of infatuation, a natural spectacle such as a solar eclipse or a comet shower that we watched with rapt attention as a family, or an exciting sleepover at nursery or school.
Pride: Experiences that we are proud of are particularly memorable. You can probably see your graduation ceremony with the presentation of your diploma in your mind's eye. Smaller, personal milestones also stay with us: the moment when we were able to overcome ourselves for the first time by hurtling down a half-pipe, jumping off a diving platform or finally defeating the difficult final boss in a computer game and immediately having to tell our friends about it.
Moments in which we presented something in front of an audience: a presentation at school, a theatre performance, an audition with our own instrument or winning a final followed by an award ceremony. Perhaps we also think back with pride to situations in which we had to assert ourselves and had the courage to stand up for ourselves or others.
Aha moments and bonding experiences
Insight: Aha experiences also have the potential to become embedded in our memory and leave their mark on us. We remember learning content particularly well when we are working on a topic and suddenly discover new connections or, after a long struggle, finally understand how a certain type of task can be solved. Aha moments are even more intense when they relate to our lives: When, in a moment of clarity, we suddenly realise what is really important to us and make meaningful decisions as a result: switch to a school that suits us better, commit to an apprenticeship or finally break free from a toxic friendship.
Connection: When we look through our inner photo album, we realise that the most lasting memories are moments when we felt connected to others in a special way. Moments when a parent took time for us alone and we talked about more personal things than in everyday life; holidays spent with friends; a trip with the godmother or godfather without parents and siblings in tow; the secret house party with the clique when the parents went away for the weekend; conversations in which someone confided a secret to us.
Digital connectivity is no substitute for shared moments
When we become aware of the moments in our lives that give us a positive boost, we realise how much has been stolen from us and our children by the pandemic. Most of us suddenly found ourselves in a constricting rut of routine and everyday life. One eight-year-old put it in a nutshell in February: «It's so boring. You're not allowed to do anything. Even school is a change! Can you imagine that?»
For months, we tried everything we could to maintain a feeling of closeness: We made (video) calls to stay in touch with grandparents, relatives and friends and realised that although we were happy to have these opportunities, they could not replace a hug and shared experiences.
For many young people who have completed their apprenticeship or school-leaving certificate and have now entered working life or university, important rites of passage have been lost. The graduation that they have worked towards for so long could not be celebrated in the appropriate manner. Young people have started their studies almost exclusively with home schooling - sometimes in a foreign city where they don't know anyone yet and have not even been able to arrive because there is a lack of connection.
Are there little things you can do to break the usual routine? What mini successes are there to celebrate?
To make this time easier for children and young people, parents, teachers and carers have not only done what is necessary, but have often taken on additional tasks. They endured their own insecurities, took care of the children's and young people's fears, tried to provide some normality and compensated for what was lacking as far as possible alongside their work. But gradually, most of us became tired of this extra effort.
Who do we want to give affection to?
By looking at the elements that make up special moments, we realise what we have missed so painfully, why many of us are frustrated and haggard and why we don't have to reproach ourselves for these feelings «because we actually have it so good».
On the other hand, we can consider how we can enhance individual days with a pinch of EPIC here and there in future: Are there little things you could do to break the usual routine? Which mini-successes could you celebrate more consciously with your family? Which loved one would you or the children like to give an unexpected token of affection to tomorrow? What would you like to make up for or celebrate as a family as soon as it is possible again?
