Bullying: Our topic in June

«I have heard of women
who get up at four o'clock every morning,
to have time to work before everything starts in the family. In the long run, that kind of stress is unbearable.»

Mareike Kunter, psychologist, on «Zeit Online»

Dear reader
How does a child become a victim or perpetrator of bullying? What role do home, school and social status play? «It can happen to any child,» says Françoise Alsaker, a pioneer of bullying research in Switzerland. I was reminded of this sentence when I recently received a painful letter from a father to the parents of his son's classmates. I am reproducing the letter slightly abridged and with the names changed.

Dear parents of Year 2
Last week we took Frederik out of school. We don't know when and where he will be able to go to class again. He is in therapy and we hope so. I am writing these lines to express my despair, disappointment and anger. Above all, however, I hope that what I have written will help to change things in the classroom and perhaps also at school.
According to the doctors, Frederik suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of repeated assaults - being locked up, being beaten, being teased - by a group of boys in Year 2. Our son is in a spiral of fear and no longer even dares to go out with friends or to the playground. All he wants to do is build dens with us in the flat and stroke his dolls. Frederik, as we see him now, is a completely different child than he was a year ago.
How did it all come about?
At first, everything seemed to be going well at school. However, it soon became apparent that there were a few wild boys who repeatedly used physical and psychological cruelty towards other children. Frederik felt increasingly uncomfortable. Outside of class, he perceived school as an unsafe place and thought with fear about what was happening on the playground. Out of fear, the rest of the class increasingly submitted to the hierarchy rather than standing by Frederik.
Hierarchical processes are part of the social learning of groups and it is probably also the mean things that children do to each other. It is crucial for social learning that children learn that meanness or rudeness is not tolerated by the group and the environment. If this does not happen, fatal learning processes occur. If there is no framework for resolving conflicts, the law of the jungle develops.
We repeatedly approached the parents of the children Frederik was suffering from. We were often told that it was all normal, that boys were just like that or that Frederik was probably involved too.
Despite everything, we and Frederik will retain many fond memories of the school and of many parents and children and hope to stay in touch.
Rolf and Annabelle

I don't know how Frederik is doing today. I sincerely hope that the boy will soon be able to attend school again and experience trust, care and an intact class community. Our author Virgina Nolan has investigated how bullying occurs and what parents and teachers can do about it in the dossier «All against one».
Yours sincerely - Nik Niethammer