Bullying from a teacher's perspective

There's a boy in my first class who doesn't behave in an age-appropriate way. He wears different clothes to the other children and has a ribbon with an animal pendant around his neck. His classmates think it's stupid and let him know it.
I teach 22 pupils. There are children who can already do maths, who read «Three Question Marks», and those who don't know exactly what is more: five or eight, and only recognise individual letters when learning to read. Several pupils understand very little German.
I hear the word «ich» more often than I did 25 years ago when I started teaching. Today, it seems to me that the happiness of the parents depends more on the happiness of the children. If the child is doing well, the parents are doing well too. The child is a «project» that is planned and has to be successful.

When I hear for the umpteenth time: «You, de...hät again...», it sometimes gets too much for me.

In my view, bullying is a complex issue. A lot of things come together: social tendencies, school structures, the parental home and the child's personality. It is difficult to recognise whether a child is being bullied or just teased.
I become aware when a child is often excluded from games for long periods of time, is regularly picked last in PE lessons, is never invited to a birthday party and is often the last to find a partner for group work! Then I realise that this child is not doing well and needs special attention.
Like the boy with the pendant animal around his neck who doesn't feel well. He often touches the other children, «pushes» them as he passes by and disturbs the group. He doesn't mean any harm, he's just rather clumsy and immature in his dealings with his classmates.

The boy was excluded from all activities

His classmates didn't understand. A dynamic developed that became very stressful. This boy was excluded from almost all activities. This put a lot of pressure on him, he could no longer learn because he had to spend all his time wondering why the others didn't like him.
This intensified his conspicuous behaviour. It took a lot of patience on my part, and sometimes I simply didn't have any. When I hear for the umpteenth time: «You, de...have again...», it sometimes becomes too much for me. I would like to see more commitment from the parents of the child concerned.
Nevertheless, I come up with something. I talk to the class without the child concerned, explain the child's situation, ask the others to play something together as a class during the break.

Online dossier on bullying

It is important that the children are not left to their own devices, that they know how to behave and what they can do during free play time. I also talk to the child concerned, sometimes together with the school social worker and the parents.
We then want to know: Why are they excluding you? What could you do differently? What could the others change so that they annoy you less? We make agreements and I review them regularly. If you're lucky, this improves the behaviour of the child and the class.
If, as a teacher, I realise that a situation like this is persisting and nothing is changing despite my interventions, I seek help from specialists. The school social worker then comes into the classroom and practises setting boundaries with the pupils. For example, the children learn to observe the «stop rule» and respect boundaries by playing various games.
I work with the boy in my class using a reward system. We have agreed that he gets a smiley face for every 15 minutes in which he doesn't disturb another child. If he manages this for half an hour, he can choose a game in gymnastics. Keeping track of 22 children is a challenge.
Picture: Bildbyran/Imago

Tips for parents

If parents suspect that their child is being bullied, they should react quickly and not wait until the class teacher notices. I recommend seeking contact with the parents of the children who are being bullied. Talk to them and tell them how their child is feeling and what is happening to them. Many parents don't dare to take this step for fear that their child will be worse off than before. But in my opinion, this is not the case. Contact with the class teacher is also important. But you can't hand over all the responsibility to them.

Tips for teachers

As a teacher, it is important to look and act. But not alone; you should get outside help. The feeling that you have to do everything on your own is a trap. It is important to network. Teachers often suffer from the feeling that they have done something wrong. I find it useful to have a quick team meeting where you can describe the problem and hear different perspectives. As a teacher, you should always work with both groups, the perpetrators and the victims.

Read more:

• The no-blame approach: How teachers can intervene in cases of bullying
• 19-year-old Chiara talks about the worst time of her life: two years ago, she was bullied online by her best friend at the time - out of jealousy .
• Children need to understand what they are doing with nasty messages. The interview with bullying expert Christelle Schläpfer.