Boundless love without prejudice?
Freya has had a crush on Konstantin, 16, for a long time. 15-year-old Freya is surprised and happy when she finds out that he is the same. However, when she introduces Konstantin to her parents as a boyfriend, she is bitterly disappointed. The fact that Konstantin comes from the former Yugoslavia and is an avowed Muslim doesn't matter to Freya. She loves him. As the daughter of a diplomat, she herself has travelled the world a lot and it was only two years ago that her parents decided to return to Switzerland.
Her mother only knows Konstantin briefly. But she trusts her intuition.
The fact that they are now against their relationship because Konstantin belongs to a different religion comes as a shock to Freya. Freya's mother in particular makes it clear to her daughter that she has nothing against a romantic relationship, but that she does not agree with her relationship with Konstantin. What she doesn't tell her daughter, however, is that her reaction comes as a surprise to herself. As a mother, she only wants the best for her child. The thought of telling her daughter what to do when it comes to love frightens her, but in this case it feels right. She only knows Konstantin briefly; apart from a first meeting, her impressions are few and far between. Her mother trusts her intuition more. In addition, the idea that her grandsons could be circumcised at some point is very alien to her.
Invisible walls
Freya and Konstantin are just one example. Konstantin could also be called Yusuf or Jamal, be dark-skinned or come from China. Perhaps he would speak an Arabic dialect or Swahili. Perhaps Constantine's family would have opposed his relationship with Freya. Whatever the combination, stereotypes quickly lead to prejudice and create invisible walls between the «us» and «the others» (see box at the end of the article). What Freya and Konstantin experience can have various causes. For the couple, it is first and foremost a painful disappointment at the lack of understanding for their love. Without any particular intention, their affection for each other breaks through the boundary between the mother's «us» and «the others». Prejudices now stand in the way of the partnership. How can they find a way of dealing with each other that creates understanding on both sides?
Different types of prejudice
Exclusion or discrimination usually takes place along (imaginary) social boundaries between a minority and a majority. Often only the dismissive behaviour is recognisable, as opinions are only revealed in private, if at all. External behaviour and internal attitudes can point in different directions. Social psychology therefore distinguishes between different types of prejudice (see box at the end). The injustice for Freya and Konstantin is that Freya, as the daughter of a diplomat, expects her parents to have an open attitude towards a partner like Konstantin. Now she experiences the discrepancy between her mother's attitude at work and in her private life, her professional approach to the diversity of the world and her attitude towards a member of her own family. The mother's attitude is understandable, but how does it come about? In order to cope with the complexity of their environment, people need quickly available and simply structured information.
Without people consciously realising it, the brain classifies the social environment into groups and provides them with easily accessible information - stereotypes. Such stereotypes are helpful and necessary. They allow quick decisions to be made and provide security through the perceived sense of belonging to a group. However, they also partly justify and create unequal power relations in a society. It also often happens that these «filters» in perception only allow new information about a social group to be interpreted in a certain way. Extraordinary events play a special role here, with particularly conspicuous members of a group characterising the image. The majority of the group is not perceived, but receives the same judgement. According to such a judgement, on the one hand, all information that contradicts one's own opinion is excluded and, on the other hand, the news that fits the pattern confirms one's own stereotypes. The world is perceived according to a simple and solidified pattern («stereo» comes from the ancient Greek and means «firm, rigid, solid»).
Overcoming boundaries
In the social sphere, for example, a social image of «us» and «the others» can become entrenched. The fact that Konstantin is not perceived by Freya's mother as part of her own group may have something to do with her personal experiences in the past. Perhaps her mother has formed her opinion of the group «the others» from media reports. Admitting that this plays a role is a first step. Many other steps can then be taken to pave the way for breaking down prejudices and stereotypes. As a parent, you can set an example for your own children by working on your own stereotypes. In social psychology, a number of recommendations have emerged over time that make the invisible boundaries between two groups more surmountable. These include consciously meeting members of «the other» group frequently and individually in various situations. Allow the prejudices to surface in your consciousness. In doing so, you can examine your own emotions.
Opportunities and risks
Take your time and let your own impressions of your encounters with people sink in. Do not try to find something «typical» or give the impression that these «others» are an exception and do not belong to the group that otherwise alienates you. This will give you new experience and enable you to better understand the thoughts and feelings of your children, who often experience such encounters in the school context of a multicultural society, from a different position. Finally, the question: Who could you best identify with in this story? Was it Freya, Konstantin, the couple or the mother? All three have to struggle with hurdles. A research group at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Fribourg, together with the Institute for Empirical Religious Research at the University of Bern, is currently investigating the risks and opportunities in such situations in an online study (see also box below).
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Stereotype and prejudice
- Stereotypes: Assumptions about a social group. They contain beliefs about typical characteristics and behaviours of the group that are either (partially) true, but can also be completely false. What is always true is that they are exaggerated and judgemental. The evaluation of a group based on widespread assumptions ultimately leads to prejudices.
- Prejudice: A positive or negative judgement of a social group and its members. Prejudice rarely leads to preferential behaviour towards a group or group member, but often to disadvantageous behaviour.
Types of prejudice
Classic prejudice: Someone is against certain people, expresses it publicly and does not hide their inner attitude. This person realises that certain people are being discriminated against.
Modern prejudice: Someone has a negative attitude towards a certain group of people, but does not want to show this publicly. He or she hides his or her inner attitude and denies the fact of discrimination.
Aversive prejudice: Someone has a negative attitude towards a certain group of people, but says outwardly that these people are discriminated against and must therefore be seen in a positive light. He or she has to make an effort to conceal his or her inner attitude. In this case, the contradiction between inner and outer attitudes is referred to as aversion.
Study: One couple - two religions
In an interdisciplinary project, psychologists and religious scholars are investigating what contributes to the success of an interreligious or intercultural partnership and what risks lead to failure. Individual and couple psychological, religious and sociological aspects are analysed in a broad-based online survey. Couples and individual participants will receive scientifically sound feedback on their statements. The study is funded by the Swiss National Science Foundation and will run from now until the end of 2018. Couples with different religious or cultural backgrounds, or people who have been in such a partnership, are being sought. The study is being conducted by the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Fribourg and the Institute for Empirical Religious Studies at the University of Bern.
You can find more information and the link to the study at: www.paare.unibe.ch.
