Being parents, staying a couple: Our topic in June

Togetherness in the family hustle and bustle: how couples bring parenthood and passion under one roof.

In the video, editor-in-chief Nik Niethammer talks about how he sees himself as a father and which results of the big fatherhood barometer surprised him.

The new magazine will be published on Wednesday, 9 June 2021. You can also order the magazine online.

In an interview with Florina Schwander via Zoom, Editor-in-Chief Nik Niethammer reveals, among other things, which results of the Fathers' Barometer surprised him the most and how he and his wife maintain their relationship.

Dear reader
Esther Perel is something of a female guru when it comes to relationships. The Belgian psychologist and couples therapist is one of the world's most influential and innovative voices when it comes to love and relationships. In her New York practice, she has worked with hundreds of couples and explored their frustrations, secret desires and longings. This is the same Esther Perel who wrote the sentence that you can't get out of your head when reading our dossier «Be a parent, stay a couple»: «In the past,» says the bestselling author, «we broke up because we were unhappy. Today, because we could be happier.»
Many couples know the problem: the love is still there, but the desire is fading. You share a table and a bed (often with children), but the hot nights become less frequent. Why is this the case? How do mothers and fathers manage to combine emotional closeness and sexual desire? And how do they manage to deal with the desire for stability and security, but also with the desire for new beginnings and new stimuli, in such a way that the relationship does not collapse under the weight of expectations? Esther Perel says that finding one and the same person interesting over a longer period of time is only possible if you see yourself as an independent person and always meet your partner with curiosity. Clever words from a clever woman, in my opinion. I heartily recommend our dossier «Being parents, staying a couple».
One of my favourite texts in this issue is about needs-based parenting. Never heard of it? I felt the same way. But I promise you: After reading it, you will try out this parenting style right away. One tip relates to the tiresome topic of clearing the table. «The next time no one helps, just sit down on the floor and say: I can't do it any more,» advises the expert. You are welcome to write to me and let me know if it worked for you.

«A good father doesn't have to be the biological father. He doesn't have to be particularly masculine. And not even a man.»

Tillmann Prüfer, father of four daughters,
Member of the editorial board of «Zeitmagazin»

Fathers are much more important for a child's development than has long been assumed. According to father researchers. Good fathers comfort, good fathers play - good fathers care. Say father experts. But how do fathers see themselves? The Stiftung Elternsein foundation, publisher of the Swiss parenting magazine Fritz+Fränzi, took on this question and commissioned the opinion research institute Innofact to conduct a large survey. You can read the results in the article: Fatherhood barometer. Three samples:

  • Drei von vier Vätern gaben an, ihre Partnerin bei der Kindererziehung zu unterstützen.
  • Zwei von drei Vätern fühlen sich in ihrer Vaterrolle zeitweise überfordert und hilflos.
  • Jeder dritte befragte Vater bereut es gelegentlich oder öfter, Kinder zu haben.

One response from the Fathers' Barometer both pleases and motivates us: Every second father finds it important to actively inform himself about parenting issues and to further develop his parenting skills. As many as one in five do this via parenting magazines. If you, dear fathers, have read this far: congratulations. And welcome to the Fathers' Club!
Sincerely,
Your Nik Niethammer