Avoiding violence and radicalisation - a guide
This guide describes how and why we can expect higher levels of violence and aggression in kindergartens and schools resulting from the hostile European attitude towards refugees, and how we can deal with this situation as teachers and parents. The text illustrates the different and yet identical sources of aggression in European and refugee children and young people, and the need for new pedagogical approaches. When I use the term «prevention» here, I mean primary prevention. As there is no research evidence on the relationship between political and cultural attitudes towards migrants and refugees and the occurrence of aggression and violence in children and young people, the claims and predictions described below are not evidence-based, but experience-based.
The enormous amount of refugees and migrants coming to Europe and the various ways in which our governments have decided not to welcome them has already resulted in outbreaks of violence and vandalism initiated by our own citizens. There is little hope that the situation will not escalate and that there will not be even more violent confrontations, both between different groups of citizens and between «us and them»"
We have learnt from recent history that we need to take much better care of children and young people, primarily from Muslim families. We have neglected them by ignoring their existential dilemma and their need to feel a sense of belonging to our society, often simply to the point of alienation and despair. The resulting tendency to join criminal gangs or radical movements that give them meaning, structure and direction in their lives has only recently made us sit up and take notice.
This fact now has two consequences:
Firstly, it has provided an opportunity for far-right movements to proliferate in the political scene as well as on the streets. These movements, whether groups or gangs, are all aggressive and violent in their philosophy and behaviour, although they claim to act out of love for their homeland (historically, far-right movements have a tendency to love nationalist abstractions more passionately than their neighbours).
Secondly, it has moved tens of thousands of level-headed, mature and responsible citizens to protect our ethical and moral capital and our fundamental Christian virtues of kindness, empathy, generosity and friendship through many different empathetic, humane and intelligent initiatives. In short, this negative atmosphere means that thousands of European children, moulded by the aggressive and racist values of their parents and the networks of their adults, will enter our educational institutions. At the same time, many children from refugee families will attend the same centres and they will be psychologically, emotionally and existentially scarred by the horrors they have experienced in their country of origin, but also by a new fear of being excluded and isolated, a fear that will determine their parents' attitude to life as well as their own.
The etymology of aggression
This situation will inevitably have an increase in aggressive and violent behaviour between children and adolescents, and even by children and adolescents towards their teachers. The psychosocial origin of this aggression is the fear of losing one's possessions, values and territory; the fear of rejection, marginalisation and isolation; unrecognised pain from traumatic causes, which has been shown to lead to PTSD, even in very young children.The short version of this, which I will elaborate on below, is that both groups of children will experience either an imagined loss of values associated with their inherited values and possessions (native children) or a very real loss of a sense of being valuable to society (refugee children).
As I explained in detail in my book on aggression(Jesper Juul - «Aggression, why it is necessary for us and our children»), this imagined or real loss of their value as human beings is in itself the root of aggression. If this healthy emotional response is not dealt with appropriately by parents, teachers, therapists, doctors and law enforcement, and if it is not honoured by politicians and legislators, it will always turn into violence. When people are not heard, they have a tendency to turn up the volume. This violence can either be harmful violence that hurts other people or damages their property, or it can be of the introverted variety that results in a range of self-destructive behaviour.
Destructive aggression is rooted in the individual's experience of not being seen and not being heard. As a result, the sense of belonging and the feeling of being valuable to others is lost. The resulting aggressive or violent behaviour can either be short-term and related to a specific person, or it can be long-term and related to another person, group or social unit. This cause is cross-cultural and not related to a specific gender or age.
The children of frightened European parents
The children of frightened and aggressive European parents will be a minority in our institutions, where teachers will try to show them better ways. Our experience so far shows that these attempts are usually doomed to failure for two reasons: either they are thwarted by parents who are unable to see the connection between their own aggressive philosophy and their children's verbal behaviour and violent behaviour towards other (white) children. Or they will tend to defend their behaviour towards (dark-skinned) children. In both cases, the children will be confused and tend to be loyal to their parents and their values. This will give them a sense and experience of exclusion and devaluation by the institutions of the community, which will increase their aggressive behaviour and at the same time confirm their views. They will feel like self-righteous outsiders.
Refugee children
Refugee children will mainly fall into two groups, even if they live in similar circumstances. They will usually have parents who are very supportive and keen for their children to integrate. Parents also have a tendency to sacrifice their own well-being and social success in favour of their children's future social success. Both phenomena - the strong support and the sacrifice - place a heavy burden on the shoulders of their children. They will feel obligated to reciprocate and feel responsible for the well-being of the whole family, which includes a strong desire to succeed and make their parents proud and happy. If and when they collapse under this burden, they are in for an emotional and existential disaster with no sense of value, neither for their loved ones nor for society. This sets the stage for possible radicalisation.
No matter how friendly, open and welcoming the teachers are, these children already have the feeling that they do not belong to the new society due to the prevailing hostile political attitude that is «in the air» and which is intensely perceived and understood by their parents and their network. Meeting friendly and inclusive teachers, new friends and their parents and siblings will be extremely valuable for them and make kindergarten and school a safe haven for them. However, it will not help them to cope with their emotional and existential pain.
Some will have parents who are strong, competent and open enough to help them, but the majority of them will need emotional support (just as their parents need support). One of the effects of our hostility towards refugees is that we refuse to give them the help they need. In some countries, they are denied even the most basic medical care until they are granted asylum, one, two or three years after their arrival. Adequate psychological, psychiatric and psychotherapeutic care is not available to them. The most crucial and dangerous effect of this marginalisation is that their trauma becomes less accessible and therefore more stressful for their psychological development and their ability to integrate - even if the desire to assimilate is still strong.
How can we deal with this?
There are many things you can do. Some depend on the age of the children, others are age-independent. The motto should be:
When the ordinary becomes extraordinary.
This is the essence of what we learnt many years ago when we worked with children and young people in refugee camps in Croatia, Bosnia, Austria and Slovenia during and after the Balkan war, and also when we worked with refugee children in some Danish kindergartens at that time. This motto refers to the fact that vulnerable children, like all other children, have the desire to be seen and recognised as they are, without reference to a specific, currently dominant cultural idea set by parents and educators. Just as they have the need to play, make friends, learn and develop skills, be physically touched and hugged and be given the freedom to seek contact with others and be allowed to withdraw from contact again, depending on their own rhythm. Vulnerable children - whether refugees or at home - need all of this and they need more of it than their more content and balanced friends. In addition, some of them, from both groups, need more specialised and individualised attention in collaboration with specialists and their parents and siblings. However, this fact should never replace the usual characteristics of their institutions and their families, and only in cases of institutionalised or parental neglect should these children be removed from them. For all vulnerable children, it is essential that the whole family receives support and therapy for the following two reasons:
- It will diminish the child's experience of being wrong, difficult, naughty, annoying and unwanted in the eyes of their most important adults.
- It will provide parents with expertise and skills that they are unlikely to possess and give them the feeling that they are sufficiently good and valuable parents. Otherwise, they will experience themselves as bad parents, which in many cases will lead to domestic violence. It will build trust in a system and professions that are alien and/or frightening to them and that they may see as enemies of their family.
Even if it is decided to refer a child to a physiotherapist, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist or any other type of therapy that is actually categorised as «individual therapy», it is very important to involve the parents and preferably both parents. Not only for the reasons described above, but also to make it clear to everyone involved that parents must always be part of the solution - and this is only guaranteed if the new skills and insights acquired during therapy can also be adapted experimentally and not just abstractly. The need for this approach is the same whether the children are native or refugee. In both groups, they will have to deal with parents who behave as if they are «not motivated».
If this happens, keep in mind that all parents feel inadequate when their child attracts the attention of professionals. Therefore, it is your job to initiate and maintain a dynamic dialogue that builds their trust in you and makes them feel secure enough to work with you. If you fail to do this, they will have a tendency to withdraw from contact and rely on their own inadequate coping mechanisms. You will also encounter very patriarchal families where you will need to respect the way work and responsibilities are structured in the family. Attempts to criticise and change their chosen way of living together as a family will not only discourage these families, but will also cause tensions that will become an additional burden for the children.
What your organisation and your employees need
They need to review their historical and current values and attitudes towards aggressive behaviour and delete the elements that are counterproductive. These are:
- The moral condemnation of this behaviour
There is nothing wrong with «we don't want violence», but if this is your primary and only defence against aggression, then three things are likely to happen: Firstly, it won't actually stop the unwanted behaviour - either between the children or from the staff. Therefore, it becomes one of those apparent values that stand mainly as a decorative alibi. Secondly, it often leads to a series of so-called «consequences», which are merely a modern name for punishment, and by their own nature and intent are always aggressive and therefore counterproductive when it comes to ensuring a non-violent culture in an institution. And thirdly, it leads to the general assumption among children that all aggressive thoughts or feelings are forbidden, which leads to self-suppression. When this happens (as for example in Sweden over the last two decades), the repressed feelings, the lack of insight and the lack of skills in the individual child to deal with them, lead to delayed explosions of anger and violence in teenagers and young adults - currently directed against refugee shelters and individual refugees on the streets. The predictable result of condemnatory morality is that it creates exactly the kind of behaviour it is intended to discourage.
- A professional culture that allows staff to humiliate and scold children whenever they say or do things that adults find unacceptable.
Scolding is a traditional form of educational aggression and psychological violence which, as a number of studies have shown, children find just as harsh and painful as physical violence. In addition, it is a cultural quandary that sets up two opposing sets of rules for children and adults, which will increase the number and intensity of conflicts between children and therefore the «need» to scold.
«Aggression from the child is a clear message that says: «I'm in pain and I feel lost».»
A child who regularly reacts with physical and/or verbal aggression when frustrated or in conflict with others is by no means an uneducated child who «should know better». The child's aggression is a clear message to adults that says: «I am in pain and I feel lost. I know what I'm doing is wrong, so could you please help me figure out what's going wrong in my life right now. I love my parents, I like my teachers and I want to play with the other children, but somehow I can't do it.»
This message is very similar to that of aggressive, yelling and slapping parents, scolding and punishing teachers, and husbands beating their wives. This fact in no way morally justifies aggressive or violent behaviour, nor does it make it socially acceptable, but it does morally and ethically challenge the watching professionals to absolutely understand this message and focus their attention on its existential substance rather than its form. It is therefore entirely within the bounds of responsible professional behaviour to take the child's hand, walk away from the scene of the incident and say: «I can see that you are in trouble and I would like to help you if I can. Let's take a walk, go outside, go to my office and figure out what's hurting you on the inside.» Not only does this defuse the situation and make the child feel safe and accepted, but it also sends a strong message to the other children: «Whenever you are desperate, we will help you and we will not tolerate violent behaviour.»
In this way, the teacher becomes a role model instead of an angry preacher of principles - a role model that the child is already familiar with - and can thus prevent the child from feeling even more inadequate, even more stupid and even more isolated, which would only increase his or her despair and aggression. The overarching educational message is therefore: I don't like it when people are aggressive and hurt each other, but if you can't find another way to say «Ouch!» then I'll help you find one.
Activities and routines
There is no doubt that daily, weekly and seasonal rituals and traditions play a very important role in ensuring a safe atmosphere for all children, and especially for vulnerable children, whether they are traumatised or just socially marginalised from other children. In addition to these rituals, I recommend the following - in no specific order of priority: Philosophical windows There are a number of good books on how to philosophise with children that provide professionals with content and methods. The value of these weekly windows (my recommendation) is that they encourage both the children and their teachers to think and talk about important questions and issues in life, such as: Friendship; key feelings such as love, anger, hate, frustration; family; war etc. in equal weighting. It is extremely valuable for children to be allowed to think and express themselves (children who don't like to talk can draw), but it is also valuable for teachers because they get the rare opportunity to learn more about what is going on inside each individual child and to favour development rather than just teaching material. Empathy training Our book on empathy(Jesper Juul and other authors - «Miteinander - wie Empathie Kinder stark macht») offers a catalogue of 12 exercises that are free of specific religions and ideologies. These can be done with groups of children and will be fruitful on different levels:
- Each individual child will experience new ways of perceiving their own body and their being here and now, thus promoting their psychosocial development.
- The growth of the individual will have a positive influence on the interaction between the children and thus contribute to a healthy culture throughout the centre.
- Teachers are encouraged to do the exercises together with the group and will thereby improve their own skills and their own desire to respond to the children with empathy and compassion. They will also create a common pool of shared experience and language that will enhance interpersonal relationships and culture.
Mindfulness training Mindfulness was developed primarily from a therapeutic perspective to deal with acute stress syndrome and has then expanded into an extended and scientifically well-documented method to improve individual awareness of one's mind, body and environment. In this way, it is a very straightforward and valuable set of skills and insights that promotes the wellbeing of children in institutions - institutions where there are vast amounts of stressors and an unavailability of alone time, stillness and inward mindfulness. Some professionals fear that this training will be dangerous for vulnerable and distressed children, but this fear stems from an outdated way of thinking that favoured capping human emotions and lacked the insight and skills to teach individuals and their environments healthy ways to manage and communicate emotions. Based on our experience with traumatised children, we now know that allowing them to feel, share and befriend their feelings is very valuable for their well-being and for a positive prognosis of their condition. The fact that some of the very cruel and terrible experiences require specialised psychotherapeutic help does not contradict the need of these children to develop a strong awareness of their emotional reactions and to learn how to deal with them in a social context.
«You have to put aside almost everything you have been taught as professionals about aggression and open your hearts to these children in need.»
This simple message sets an authoritative and friendly tone, it defines the desired culture and its boundaries within the institution and does not divide the children into good and bad people. The expression: you are here to learn and I am here to help you learn - is another way of translating the message. Furthermore, it will be beneficial to convey a general willingness to recognise, name and talk about all human feelings. Children from both of the above groups will flourish in this atmosphere and children who need more specific help and guidance will find it easier to accept that help.
In other words, you and your colleagues need to put aside almost everything you have been taught as professionals about aggression and how to deal with it and open your hearts to these children in need. If my words do not give you reason enough to do so, I encourage you to take an honest look at the pedagogical practices and attitudes of the last 30 years and come to terms with the fact that they have not worked satisfactorily - neither for individual children and their parents, nor for the pedagogical institutions, nor for what happens on the streets at night. It is possible in any institution to set rules that prevent certain patterns of behaviour, but for those children who are able to follow these rules, they have limited value. However, those children who sometimes find it impossible to follow them do not benefit from them, nor from the consequences they suffer if they break them.
Introduction of experts
It is valuable for all children, and especially for vulnerable children, if you invite professionals such as psychologists, physiotherapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, paediatric neuropsychologists and psychiatrists and other relevant experts to your institution. The role of these people is to introduce their work directly to the children, invite them to ask their questions and invite them to join in the conversation, and explain very openly and sincerely what they can do for the children. This will help demystify their various professions and it will raise the acceptance bar among the children and prevent teasing and bullying.
I am fully aware that these suggestions are more likely to be implemented by nurseries than schools. However, it is important to emphasise that many of the traditional activities such as painting, drawing, playing, acting, reading fairy tales and stories etc. are very valuable for vulnerable and traumatised children. Not only because of their familiar qualities, but also because they provide an experience of normality that is essential for their psychosocial development.
The guidelines for strengthening the existing culture or creating a new one are: Inclusion, empathy and friendship. Many researchers have confirmed the sad fact that children who need these qualities the most from professionals usually get the least of them. Don't let vulnerable and traumatised children scare you. Make it a habit to understand their behaviour as an invitation to you and your many human and professional qualities.
The columns and articles by Jesper Juul are produced in collaboration with familylab.ch
Jesper Juul, Familylab International.
