Arguing properly and book tips
With the first child, the couple's relationship changes - and often becomes a partnership of convenience in the daily grind and stress. Find out here what parents can do to ensure that love and desire don't fade and how to argue properly.
Many couples are familiar with the problem: the love is still there, but the desire is fading. You share the table and bed (often with children), but the nights are getting lazier. Why is this the case? How do mothers and fathers manage to combine emotional closeness and sexual desire? And how do they manage to deal with the desire for stability and security, but also with the desire for new beginnings and new stimuli, so that the relationship does not collapse under the weight of expectations? With these tips, life as a couple won't fall by the wayside. Read all about "What makes couples strong" in our dossier.
Our book tips on the topic of nurturing relationships for parents
Arguing - but the right way
US couples researcher John Gottman has analysed thousands of couples in conflict discussions. And found out: To prevent disagreements from ending in communicative disaster, couples should avoid certain behaviours that Gottman calls "the four horsemen of the apocalypse":
- Unobjective criticism: We express our displeasure with generalised accusations: "You're always late! I'm just not important enough for you."
- Justification: We respond to criticism with defence, which encourages an endless loop of attacks and counter-attacks: "Typical, it's always my fault!"
- Contempt : We openly show that we hold the other person in low regard, for example through sarcasm, derogatory remarks or humiliation: "You don't need to get hysterical again!"
- Walls: We withdraw from the argument by refusing to talk, demonstratively listening away, turning our attention to something else or simply leaving the room.
Read more about being parents, staying a couple:
- What makes couples strong
Many people want a partnership for life. But crises usually occur halfway through at the latest: The daily grind and stress gnaw away at the relationship. How does love work in times of a multi-option society? - "An affair is not a declaration of bankruptcy"
Couples and sex therapist Helke Bruchhaus Steinert knows what can help to revitalise eroticism when sex has become a rarity in everyday parental life. And explains why intimacy should not be confused with fusion. - "One big rollercoaster ride"
Sefora Cuoco, 28, a marketing coach and yoga teacher, and personal trainer Civan Oezdogan, 27, from Zurich have experienced the greatest happiness and the most painful abysses of life in three years as parents. - "At some point, enough is enough"
For Chiara, 40, and Curdin Erni-Biondi, 41, from Scuol GR, relationship crises always occur in winter: The father spends most of it on the mountain, which often pushes his wife to the limit. On the other hand, the parents of Andri, 10, Lia, 9, and Charlie-Corsin, 2, rarely have arguments in summer. - "Children move on, the partner stays"
Since becoming parents, Tabea Plattner, 43, and her husband Jonas, 45, from Hindelbank BE, have regularly takentime out as a couple. This saved their love, say the musician and the agricultural scientist, parents of Janic, 21, Ramon, 20, Joel, 16, and Mauro, 14. - "It was a disaster"
Claudia*, 40, and Marco, 47, a medical practice assistant and technical draughtsman from Basel, tried out an open relationship. The experiment ended in chaos, but it was still instructive for the parents of a son, 12, and a daughter, 8. - 5 relationship management tips for parents
Mums and dads often grow apart in everyday family life - find out what parents can do about it here.