Addicted to online games?
Mrs Willemse, parents know the situation: they have asked their teenager to stop playing online games countless times. But it's no use, your son keeps playing and playing. Over time, this gets really annoying and you want to pull the plug.
I understand the parents' distress, but intervening like this is a bad solution. It usually ends in arguments and aggression. Many young people play so-called multiplayer games, i.e. they form a group with others and complete the game tasks together. Everyone takes on certain roles that are associated with obligations. Anyone who suddenly leaves the game cancels out a task that the group may have spent a long time building up. The playmates feel betrayed and let down. Parents are often unaware of this effect.
What do you recommend instead?
It makes sense to understand: What is my child playing, how does the game work? And to agree on a time after which no more rounds can be started. League of Legends is the most popular game among my clients at the moment, with each round lasting 40 to 60 minutes. So if the media is supposed to close at 10 pm, this means that your child is not allowed to start a game after 9 pm.
And young people accept that?
It is important to clarify the roles: Who does what, how is it controlled? I invest a lot of time in counselling for this: parents and young people should set rules together; define who will enforce them and how; determine the consequences of non-compliance. Many young people are happy when someone sets boundaries for them. And if they suggest and help shape the boundaries themselves, they accept them better.
Doesn't gaming also help to relieve pressure and relax?
Yes, but it shouldn't be an escape. Almost every teenager knows stress: at school or with colleagues, looking for an apprenticeship, exams, parents who demand a lot. When gaming, teenagers experience a group feeling, are successful and receive recognition. They forget the pressure. It helps and gives them positive feelings. But only for a short time. Because the pressure increases the more often they escape into the gaming world. And that in turn causes them to escape even more often. It's a vicious circle.
How do I as a mum or dad help my child out of this?
By looking closely and, if necessary, helping to create alternatives. It is easier to strengthen other interests so that media use loses weight. Encourage your child to take up a hobby again, to meet colleagues again - this way you can slowly reduce the role of gaming.
Isabell Willemse
is a psychotherapist and counsellor for online addiction at the IAP and at the ZHAW, Zurich University of Applied Sciences and co-author of the JAMES study.
You can now also find the topic of «game addiction» with further aspects and tips on how to deal with it in everyday family life on the online platform Medienstark.
