«Accompany instead of prohibit»

Mr Feibel, when does media education begin?

From birth, so to speak. The photo of the first cry is the start of an endless series of pictures that we use to document the developmental stages of our child. This has always been the case. What is new is that we are constantly pulling out the (mobile phone) camera. Children learn to pose at a correspondingly early age. Then we wonder why they are constantly taking selfies and presenting themselves on Instagram at the age of 15. Perhaps they would do this otherwise, but this example shows how we ourselves encourage behaviour that we later get upset about.

Can my toddler play with tablets and the like?

Children under the age of three should not consume digital media if possible. However, theory and everyday family life don't always go together: It's hard to send the 3-year-old out of the room when the 6-year-old is watching a film. Parents always have to rebalance what is possible for them and what is acceptable for the child. I advocate healthy pragmatism here. At the same time, children need parents who are present: It's better for the child to have 45 minutes of undivided attention in the playground than for parents to stay for three hours and take their mobile phones with them.

When can my child have a smartphone?

A smartphone has no place with a primary school child up to the fifth grade, as the child quickly becomes overwhelmed and may also come across disturbing content. If parents want to contact their child in an emergency, a push-button mobile phone will do. At home, the child can use the parents' tablet or smartphone at mutually agreed times and for mutually agreed purposes - within the adults' field of vision.

How do we regulate media consumption?

I recommend concluding a media usage agreement together. The child explains how and why they want to use a medium and the parents also contribute their requirements. On mediennutzungsvertrag.de you can find templates for each age group and medium, including suggestions for usage rules. Children often get their mum or dad's old smartphone and simply slip into media use. But it doesn't work without an introduction: we also send children to traffic school before they go out on the street. The contract alone is not the end of the media issue. Children get older, their expectations change, new devices, games, apps and challenges are added.

How do we point out dangers to children?

Children who can use the internet on their own are also old enough for clear words: there are adults who want to talk to children about sex on the internet or arrange to have sex with them, and that is not okay. Children need to be made aware of key things, such as what can happen to photos they post online. The most important message is: If something seems strange, call me. However, addressing risks does not mean only talking about them. When a child learns to ride a bike, we don't talk about road accidents all the time.

It is said that parents should be up to date with digital media themselves. Do we now have to install TikTok and the like?

No. But you need to find out about apps and games that your child uses. There are countless parenting websites on the internet. When it comes to computer games, it's worth watching the trailer on YouTube. It is a fallacy to think that children are superior to us when it comes to digital media. They are tech-savvy, but cannot assess the consequences of their actions. They are dependent on parents to provide guidance and convey values. These have not changed in the internet age: Essentially, it's about treating each other with respect, standing up for yourself and respecting the needs of others.