A Beetle on Interrail
There she was, standing at the door with her gigantic rucksack, making off towards the station. From behind, it looked like a crawling animal was going on Interrail and not my 17-year-old daughter. A metaphorical image, the daughter shouldering everything she needs for freedom - two weeks to go, soon to be a lifetime.
I've always been a big loose cannon: The daughter is going to school? Great! She has her own circle of friends? Great! She goes out? I trust her. But adolescence has a special significance in the series of these developmental stages. Girls become women and break away from their mothers. That's the idea.
However, it is also known that adolescence is a time when girls not only lose their childhood innocence, but also a large part of their self-esteem. But also a large part of their self-esteem. Whereas they once wanted to become pilots, vets or naturalists, they suddenly think they are incapable of doing so. Because they think they are too fat or believe they don't have enough beautiful hair or feel unloved.
As long as she doesn't get in touch, I have to assume that everything is fine.
Why? It's a time when everything is changing. New school, new friends, new demands, new body, new role in society. And as if that wasn't challenging enough, today there's the added pressure of social media: Looking good, doing great things, having friends has always been the goal of adolescents.
Social media supposedly makes success measurable: who has how many friends, who gets how many likes? Numerous studies suggest that the pressure has increased and is making girls in particular insecure.
Letting go without glugging
What can mums do? Ideally, they should provide support without creating new problems. But it's not that simple. Of course, you can reassure your daughter that she is not fat, but beautiful and smart - but this can also have negative effects. The daughter could feel misunderstood - or understand that looks are extremely important after all. I try to do what experts recommend: be present and listen without interfering too much, be willing to talk, but only intervene when asked.
I want my daughter to have her own experiences, carefree and without digital enquiries from her mother.
And so I'm sitting there with my mobile phone in my hand, looking at the Insta photos from my daughter's trip, always trying to get in touch via WhatsApp: Have you arrived? How's the accommodation? What are you doing? Do you need any tips? But I'm not typing any of this. I don't want to burden her with my motherly worries.
As long as she doesn't get in touch, I have to assume that everything is fine. She should have her own experiences, carefree and without her mother's digital enquiries. And so I imagine my little daughter bug crawling through Europe and hopefully having lots of great experiences and I'm looking forward to being able to pick her up again after two weeks.
