22 questions and answers on media education

1. when is my child allowed to have a smartphone?

Your child will most likely tell you as early as primary school that they urgently need a smartphone. Most media educators advise that children should not have their own smartphone until they move on to secondary school. Simply because a smartphone is not a mobile phone, but a computer with internet access. And because smartphones take children's media use out of their parents' control. What is needed are media-savvy children and parents who have confidence in their children's media use. This is why even Tony Amberscombe, security expert at the antivirus software company AVG and therefore interested in as many smartphone users as possible, advises: «Hold out as long as possible.» He himself put his son off until he turned 13.

2 Should I limit my child's smartphone use?

In any case, you should negotiate and define all the associated rules before purchasing a smartphone for your child. Write a contract about your individual usage rules - one that has been jointly negotiated and also contains rules for the parents. This will make it easier for your child to accept. You can find a template here. For example, you can stipulate in the contract that the mobile phone is not allowed in the child's room at night or that the child should put part of their pocket money towards the bill.

3. is media deprivation a just punishment?

Opinions are divided here. Educators disagree on whether the device becomes even more exciting and important as a result of a possible withdrawal. One thing is clear: if the device is withdrawn, it must be clear to your child why. The offence and the punishment must be clearly linked. So not: «If you don't eat up, you have to go without your mobile phone for a week.» But: «You've brought your mobile phone to the dinner table again and broken our agreed rule - now I'm taking it away from you until tonight.» Here too, of course, it helps enormously if the rules have been agreed together and the children have also agreed to the possible consequences.

4 What is the purpose of Internet filters for PCs or mobile phones?

Filters can be an important addition. To a certain extent, they prevent your child from accidentally coming across pornographic or violent content. Filters cannot prevent your child from deliberately searching for these things and using public Wi-Fi connections and other devices to do so. In addition, all filters can also be switched off - the instructions for this can be found on YouTube. Filters are therefore in no way a substitute for dialogue and trust between parents and children. Tell your child why you are installing a filter. And ask them to come to you if they come across something that seems strange.

5. may I be friends with my child on Facebook?

Sure. But expect your child to put you on a list of people where you can't see the things that really interest you. Perhaps your child is already one of those who hardly uses Facebook any more - precisely because there are so many parents and teachers on there. «Facebook is like a letterbox - you need it, but it's no longer cool,» says social media expert Philippe Wampfler. Counter question: Why do you want to be friends with your child on Facebook? If you want to know what's going on in his life, just ask!

6. am I allowed to monitor my child with apps?

Admittedly: It's tempting to always know where your child is, to have their mobile phone blocked if they don't call back when their parents call, or to check what they've been looking for on the internet. And there is a monitoring app for almost everything these days. If you want to use these programmes, it is important for mutual trust that you inform your child and tell them why you want to use this app. You can also agree to use controls temporarily - and to uninstall them again if the child follows all the agreed media rules.

7 Is YouTube a good learning aid?

Every minute, 300 hours of video material are uploaded to YouTube worldwide. Many of these videos are for entertainment, some are quite brutal. Nevertheless, YouTube is now also a portal where you can really learn anything. From discussing curves to changing nappies, there are instructions in words and pictures. It's no wonder that young people now use YouTube as a search engine - more often than Google. The advantage: you can watch, stop and rewind the explanations again and again. Of course, YouTube does not replace teachers, because there is rarely a helpful dialogue in the comment functions under the videos and because it is up to the child to monitor their performance. Nevertheless, if there are not too many cat videos in between, YouTube is definitely a good addition to lessons.

If you want to know what your child is up to, ask. Your child - not Facebook!

8. does being media-savvy mean that I have to be up to date with every trend?

No. That's why you have your child. They are the expert and really enjoy explaining their new favourite app, the fast-paced video game and the new YouTube star if you listen with genuine interest and try to empathise with their fascination. If you become a point of contact for your child in this way, they will also be happy to be told about possible risks. As parents, you should of course already be aware of these.

9. how can we as parents be role models when it comes to media use?

Now it gets tough: ask yourself how much time you spend without media in your free time. How do you relax? How often are you not available? Be aware that your child is watching you closely when you use media. It is very likely that your child will copy your preferences and behaviour. Therefore, offer lots of alternatives to media consumption: playing games together, being creative, being outside, meeting friends - and set an example. Your child needs to know that there are also media-free ways to spend their free time. This will pay off in the long run. However, it won't protect you from phases in which a game or WhatsApp chat is more important to your child than anything else.

10. how much time can my child spend in front of screens?

Generally speaking, it's all in the mix. As long as your child also spends a lot of time doing other activities, meeting friends, playing sport and doing homework, the afternoon computer game session is unlikely to do any harm. Media psychologists at the Zurich University of Applied Sciences (ZHAW) have developed clear guidelines. No screen consumption under the age of 3, up to 5 years a maximum of 30 minutes per day and with adults, up to 9 years no more than 5 hours per week and for 10 to 12-year-olds a maximum of 10 hours per week. Consumption by adolescents of 20 hours or more per week is a cause for concern.

11. when can my child have their own PC?

That depends on what is installed on the PC. This is because PCs - like smartphones - potentially contain the same amount of media at once. A rule of thumb from the ZHAW and the national «Youth and Media» programme also helps here: no TV under the age of 3, no games console under the age of 6, no internet under the age of 9, no social networks and no unaccompanied surfing under the age of 12. In short, «3-6-9-12». Also be aware that having a device in your child's room always means a loss of control.

12. does media make my child aggressive?

In fact, there is a small correlation between the consumption of violence in the media and the risk of young people committing offences. A study by researchers at the University of Texas listed «aggressive media content» in fifth place among the early risk factors for delinquency in adolescence. In first place is gang membership, i.e. socialising with the wrong friends, and in second place: a poor parent-child relationship. Being a boy and having experienced violence yourself is also «riskier» than watching action films and playing first-person shooters . However, media content comes before a low IQ or poverty. One possible reason for the influence on young people: Violence is rarely put into context in the media. A study of media content on US TV showed that 70 per cent of crimes go unpunished and in 50 per cent of cases the victim's suffering is not seen. In addition, the perpetrator is the hero in 40 per cent of cases, and comedy is just as often associated with violence. Younger children in particular find it difficult to categorise this. So if your child really wants to watch that bloody action film or shoot zombies virtually, don't leave them to it alone. Watch the film, play along and try to find out how your child processes the bloody scenes through conversation.

13 What do I do if I see that my child is posting lots of private pictures?

Is your child already 12 years old? Good, because they shouldn't post anything on social networks before then - with the exception of special children's networks. Most social networks have an even higher age limit. This is because being able to correctly assess the risks of social networks requires a high level of media literacy. However, if your child is the right age, you should not forbid them from posting pictures and messages. It is part of youth culture and the way young people express themselves. Instead, raise their awareness of the fact that even the strictest privacy settings do not protect against the dissemination of content. All the former best friend has to do is take a screenshot and he or she can make the image accessible to circles for which it was not actually intended. Teach your child to ask themselves: «Would I show this picture to a stranger on the tram?» Media coach Giorgio Macaluso suggests the following for teenagers who are resistant to advice: «Why don't you print out your daughter's Instagram picture in her underwear on A4 paper and suggest hanging it up in the Coop - you'll be talking to her in no time.»

14. may I google my child?

Not only are you allowed to, you should! Because if you don't - your child's first potential employer will. What's more, googling your child's first and last name together is a valuable lesson in media education. Show your child why they should be so careful with their own data. If you do come across questionable content, you can send a request to Google support to delete images or text. You should also request a deletion on the respective page - because Google can only remove data from the search engine, but not from the Internet. And another tip: Subscribe to the Google News Alert with your child's name - then you will be informed immediately when new content appears and can view it.

15 What do I do if my child watches porn online?

First of all, this is nothing to worry about: young people are curious, they are discovering their own sexuality. And they do their research where they can find almost all the information they need: on the internet. The only problem is that they often come across films on the internet that glorify violence, telling girls that they have to be available at all times and boys that they have to perform in bed. If you discuss media experiences right from the start, your child will also tell you if they find disturbing images. Explain to your teenager that «sex» and «porn» are not one and the same thing. A mum's tip: «I proactively approach my boys and tell them: 'If you want to search for half-naked women, enter the name of a star you like instead - not «sexy woman». They follow this because they find the other pictures disgusting anyway.»

Sometimes the new app is the centre of the world. But that usually passes.

16 I would like to talk to my child about media use. How do you have a conversation like this?

It's not the right time to talk to your child when there's a conflict and they're raging about going to bed without their mobile phone. Teach your child to talk naturally about media use in a relaxed atmosphere. And not in the form of an interrogation, but a real dialogue. Tell them about your own experiences. Perhaps about how you couldn't sleep after watching a scary film. This will teach your child that media experiences are not something you have to deal with on your own. Make it a habit not to simply watch TV in silence, but to talk together about what you have seen: «Did you think that was funny too? What would you have done in the hero's place?» Rules on media use should be negotiated together - even before a new device comes into the house. A great tool for this purpose with suggestions for children's and parents' rules can be found at www.mediennutzungsvertrag.de.

17 What if my child doesn't stick to the agreed rules?

Of course, young people test and overstep boundaries. Possible consequences can be recorded in the media contracts already mentioned several times. However, breaking the rules on the Internet can also have other consequences: Children come across content that frightens them, or they send a nude picture that is suddenly on the mobile phones of the whole class. It is important that they don't immediately lose their heads if they break the rules, but first help without reproach. Your child needs to know that they can come to you if they have any difficulties or questions - otherwise media will quickly become a private matter again. And: even a rule that all parties have agreed on does not last forever. Regardless of whether they are written down or not, media rules need to be discussed again and again. Your child will get older and demand more and more freedom.

Then we recommend researching together with your child what «stars» from older casting shows are doing today.

18 What if my children are allowed to do more at friends' houses than at home?

Children are used to different rules in different places. For example, that they are allowed to eat more sweets at Grandma's than at your house. If your child is allowed to do things at a friend's house that you think are really questionable - talk to their parents. It is generally a good idea for parents to talk to each other about their children's media consumption. This way you can find out whether your child is perhaps sometimes exaggerating when they say: «But everyone else is allowed to do that». Media games educator Jürgen Sleegers suggests that parents get together in groups - for example in local libraries - and play their children's computer games together. Those who know their way around will have a good basis for discussion - and will also learn to have fun.

19 Is my child an addict?

Excessive periods of media use are initially no cause for concern - a game or a social network can become the centre of the world for a few days or a few weeks - and then be forgotten again from one day to the next. At a young age, interests change frequently. It becomes worrying when the medium becomes the centre of life over a longer period of time, with friends, school or sport taking a back seat. According to Bert te Wildt, author of the book «Digital Junkies», warning signs of an addiction are when children react aggressively or depressively to withdrawal and their time with the medium becomes increasingly extended. However, a diagnosis is only made when other areas of life such as sport, school or friends suffer. According to studies, around 4 to 5 percent of young people's media behaviour is addictive.

20. do the perfect pictures on Instagram cause a disturbed body perception?

It depends on whether your child knows that Instagram does not depict reality. This requires a fairly high level of abstraction from the child, because the people behind the pictures are real. However, with the right light, the right perspective, filters and image editing programmes, young people stage themselves until they look like advertising models. According to the Zurich University of Applied Sciences, this can have a negative impact on the self-confidence of around a fifth of young people. However, parents' own body image is more important than media influences. You should also give your child positive reinforcement when it comes to their own body. The best way to do this is not by emphasising their appearance, but by emphasising their health and functionality.

21 What should I do if my child wants to take part in a casting show?

«Then the parents have done something wrong,» brain researcher Gerald Hüther put it very drastically in an interview with the «Süddeutsche Zeitung». If the idea comes from outside, from friends for example: «Then mum will say: «Yes, I always wanted to do that too, but we have to peel potatoes first so that we can get something to eat.» And that's the end of the matter,» says Hüther. Are you laughing because your child rages even more when you don't attach any importance to their wish? Then we recommend researching together with your child what «stars» from older casting shows are doing today. When your child sees what they are doing today, they might reconsider their career aspirations.

22. am I liable for my minor child's internet purchases?

In principle, no, unless it is expressly stated otherwise in the purchase contract. If your child concludes contracts with which you as the legal guardian do not agree, you can raise an objection with the contractual partner and they must cancel the purchase. In return, your child may only enter into contracts that do not exceed his or her pocket money. To prevent accidental purchases, deactivate purchase functions on your child's smartphone or protect them with a password. This way, your child can only download music and apps or make in-app purchases consciously and, above all, only with your consent.