What is the truth behind the well-known myths about bringing up children? Which ones are actually true and which ones make life unnecessarily difficult for children and parents? Which ones contain a grain of truth - and which ones are complete nonsense? In a new advertising campaign by Stiftung Elternsein, publisher of the Swiss parenting magazine Fritz+Fränzi, we get to the bottom of 15 parenting myths and let experts have their say.

Why are parenting myths so persistent? Few things stress parents out more than the thought of getting parenting wrong. But what exactly is a parenting mistake? Who defines what is right and what is wrong? Can parenting mistakes be corrected?

Psychologist and learning coach Fabian Grolimund addressed these questions in a column for the Swiss parenting magazine Fritz+Fränzi. We have slightly abridged the text.

I am not an advocate of any particular educational ideology or method. For me, education is successful when it contributes to children being able to say as adults: I know myself, I can accept myself, I know what I want, I am able to build good relationships with other people and help shape the world around me in a positive way.

I therefore don't want to tie what constitutes a parenting mistake to a specific parenting ideology. But we can take a look into the therapy rooms and ask ourselves: what experiences with our own parents were so hurtful that even as adults they don't let go of people, steal their joy of life and make them mentally ill?

When we ask ourselves this question, we almost inevitably come across a series of basic psychological needs that everyone has. If these are violated over a long period of time, this can have serious consequences for a person's development. These basic needs include, for example, the need for security, attachment, autonomy, esteem and competence.

From these needs, we can derive a series of basic beliefs that a child should develop. And I believe we can speak of a mistake when parents interact with a child in a way that has the opposite effect.

Children need to feel safe in their relationship with their parents. This includes the child knowing that their parents will protect them from danger, will be there when they are needed and will respond reliably. Parents who use physical or psychological violence in parenting violate this need and become a source of anxiety for the child. This has a particularly serious effect if the parents are unpredictable and the child cannot even foresee the violence.

Children also feel insecure if their parents are too mentally unstable to fulfil the role of parent. For example, children of depressed or alcoholic parents often take on a lot of responsibility at a very early age and even look after their own parents. Sometimes this goes so far that the children or adolescents do not want to let their parents out of their sight because they are afraid that they will take their own lives in an unobserved moment.

It also happens time and again that parents transfer their mood and feelings unfiltered onto the relationship with the child: when they are in a good mood, they shower the child with love and affection, but the next day they are so preoccupied with themselves that they appear distant and impatient. Such patterns fuel a fundamental insecurity in the child. As a result, they are constantly busy adapting to their parents and their whims.

For healthy development, a child should not only feel safe. It should know that it is loved. If a child is allowed to experience that they are not alone, that their parents take the time to enjoy being with them, listen to them and are happy that they are there, they are giving their child an important gift.

Not all children are allowed to have this experience. Some parents make their children realise that they are a burden. They openly tell them things like "You're just impossible! We're always having problems because of you!" or "I have to give up so much for you!". A child doesn't just want to be loved. They want to be loved as the person they are. And they want to be able to shape their own lives and make their own decisions.

Some parents don't find it easy to accept their child for who they are and let them go their own way. They have an idea in their head that they can't let go of and attach conditions to their love. They show the child: I love you if you excel/are something special/play by the rules/share my opinions or religious beliefs. They punish the child by withdrawing love if it does not fulfil the conditions.

After all, we all have a need for competence. We want to experience that we can master challenges, shape our environment and express our strengths.

Parents who ridicule their children in front of others, call them stupid ("You're such a mess! You'll never learn!", "You'll never amount to anything!") prevent their child from building up sufficient self-confidence.

It's never too late to admit your own mistakes and learn. Not everything can be put right, but some things can be repaired. Children can forgive their parents a lot if they see a real change, the parents get help and successfully change destructive patterns.

(Read the full text on parenting mistakes by Fabian Grolimund here )