Why my children are at boarding school
«Wow, I could never do that!» is often the first reaction when I tell someone that our two children live in a boarding school. 250 kilometres away from home. Or: «You're making it really easy for yourselves by giving the children away so easily and outsourcing all their problems!» That hits home and my mum's heart aches. Also because there's a kernel of truth in it?
Why did we send our children, now 18 and 17 years old,to boarding school three years ago? Was it because we were fed up with the constant arguments about homework? Was it because I was tired of the constant «Have you done it yet?», «Don't you still have to?», «Get on with it!», «Hurry up already»? Yes, for sure. But not only that.
Son: «I'm off then»
Our boy is an ambitious skier. But it wasn't enough for a Swiss ski boarding school - on the one hand, he didn't have the necessary admission to the squad and, on the other, he didn't have the small change in his petty cash. And so my husband looked to his native Bavaria. And sure enough, he found a partner school for winter sports there that offered training on and off the snow. The boy was immediately enthusiastic: «I want to go there!»
Boarding school? «That's where I want to go!»
We studied everything in detail: The admission requirements, the rules, the school, boarding school life. We spent a few days on holiday in the local area. Talked to the headmaster, the head of the boarding school and the ski coach, always together with our son of course. He had long since made his decision.
Every beginning is characterised by hesitation
And then the time had come. After the sports holidays (the ski coach convinced us to start during the current racing season instead of joining the team in the summer), we took our boy from the local school and brought him to Bavaria. He was shown to his room, I unpacked his clothes and put them in the old wooden wardrobe. Teachers, boys' wing, girls' wing, rule sheet, meal times, study times, token for the washing machine, going out times, my head was buzzing. The boy was white as a sheet, disappeared into the communal bathroom and emptied his entire stomach upside down into a bowl. That was his debut. It almost tore my heart out. If he had said anything, we would have taken the boy back home immediately. But no, nothing came from him. Not a sound. So he stayed.
The first few weeks were bitterly hard. The boy was already suffering badly. Homesickness gripped him constantly and choked his throat. Then he settled in. Made friends. Put down roots. He struggled with the different school system - after all, the school system in Bavaria is about as intensive as the one in Zurich - but nevertheless told funny and interesting stories at home and made his little sister more curious about boarding school life with every visit. Although she herself is no ski icon, her desire to go to boarding school grew. With her brother. Because she really missed him. After all, it's best to argue with him.
The sister follows the brother's heart
My husband nodded, open and confident as he is. Why not the little daughter, too, if the son is now happy? My mum's heart tightened again. «Both children so far away?» Up until then, I still had one of two children at home and between you and me, everyday life was pretty relaxed with one child. The rose-tinted days, so to speak.
But soon our daughter moved into the girls' wing too. And I cried like a castle dog. I missed both children so much! Unbelievable! They still do, by the way, because I'm having a hard time letting go. To distract ourselves, my husband and I went to the cinema or theatre every evening in the first week without children, went out for dinner, sat in a bar as if we were teenagers.
It's a real challenge to restructure your evenings and organise your everyday life just the two of you. Of course, all parents face this at some point. But for us it was somehow very sudden. In the meantime, we've settled down and found topics outside of children and their homework again.
How are the children doing today?
The children have now been at the boarding school for three and a half years respectively. Sometimes things are better, sometimes worse. They certainly don't have it easy. The rules there are a lot stricter than at home. At boarding school, there are few times for going out, mobile phone bans, nicotine and all kinds of other drug tests. Anyone who breaks the rules packs their bags. Minor rule-breakers are put on kitchen and cleaning duty. They now appreciate it all the more when they are at home and not everything is handled so terribly strictly. They are allowed to choose their favourite food - and yes, mum's cooking is suddenly loved again - and can be within their own four walls. They have become a lot more independent, washing their own dirty laundry, for example. They have made new friends, but don't want to forget their old friendships at home. This sometimes pulls them back and forth a little. Two souls in their chest. And this is certainly not always easy to put away. Just when they have settled into a cosy, warm home, they have to return to boarding school on Sunday evening.
It is the path they both wanted to take. They have our respect for that. We don't yet know where it will take them when they finish school and have their A-levels in the bag. But - to use my husband's words - we are open and confident. It won't be easy for anyone, but who says that everything in life is always easy?
Photo: Pexels
Read more from Irma Aregger:
- «Chills mum!»: If you can't plan, you have to suffer. At the latest when your own menopause coincides with your children's puberty.
- Army: Left, two, three - NO! First the little boy with the wooden rifle made the garden unsafe. Now the Swiss army is calling. The son wants to get a taste of military life - or does he?
- Son at the wheel - monstrous? Just a moment ago he was sitting on the Bobby Car. And suddenly Junior is sitting in the front left of the car. If only that turns out well, says his mum.
