When the daughter faints with rage...

Lara : Mummy is annoying when she tells me to practise the piano. I hate practising the piano.
Michaela: But you want to play the piano and take lessons.
Lara : I like playing the piano. But I always have to practise so much. I want to be able to do it without practising. And Dad is annoying with the clothes.
Rico: You want to go out in winter in a short-sleeved T-shirt!
Lara : I'd wear the shirt if it was long-sleeved, but it's not.

I get so angry that my stomach explodes!

Leyla: I argue with my mum practically every day. Mostly about the Ufzgi.
Michaela: It annoys me that you forget to do your homework at school so often.
Leyla: I don't do it on purpose. When we have to pack up our things, I accidentally put them under my desk.
Michaela: Then you have to go and get it.
Leyla: Then I sometimes find you stupid.
Michaela : I also get annoyed when you're so jealous, Leyla. You always have the feeling that Lara is being favoured. And yet we used to have a lot more trouble with Lara because she was such a little pigeon.
Rico: She used to bark until she fainted.
Michaela : She regularly threw tantrums and caused a huge drama in the morning because she didn't want to go to kindergarten. I even took her there in her pyjamas. In spring two years ago, we looked for a child psychologist. Lara loves going to her and things have improved a lot since she started seeing her. She discusses how Lara can deal with her anger better.
Lara: I don't know why I get so angry. It explodes in my stomach.
Michaela: We try to discuss conflicts and make compromises. Since Lara has been going to therapy, it's much easier to talk to her.
Rico: In the past, you could hardly explain anything to her. We tried a lot of things. For a while, we simply ignored the seizures.
Michaela : That no longer works the moment she turns blue with rage in front of you and falls over. That happened twice. It was mostly little things that triggered these tantrums. I sometimes felt half sick in these situations. I felt sorry for Lara, who couldn't control her emotions. And I also felt sorry for Leyla, because Lara took up so much space. But I think it's nice that you always apologise, Lara.
Rico: That's right. She always wants to shake your hand and officially make up.

And then give mum a pat so you can see what it's like

Michaela : Every now and then we have a family conference. Then we talk about tidying up the room. If you take out something new, you take care of the old, that wouldn't be so difficult.
Leyla: Yes, it is.
Michaela : You don't tidy up my parlour either. I've also just left everything lying around, not cleared away the crockery and said: Look, this is how it looks in your rooms. That worked for a while. Incidentally, I 've even shouted at Migros to show them what it's like. It didn't actually happen again afterwards. If emotions boil over too much during an argument, someone is sent to their room until everyone has calmed down again.

Evelin Männel Fretz, Pro Juventute parent counselling, about the Kurath family:

"I see Michaela and Rico Kurath as very committed parents, but they always allow themselves to be unsettled. Certain things are non-negotiable, including homework and piano practice. Perhaps a stone in Leyla's trouser pocket as a reminder would help her to stop leaving her homework at school.
Children like Lara are very emotionally intense. Parents need to know that this behaviour is not directed against them, but also that they must not give in to the child's will. Getting outside help was certainly the right decision.
Sending the child into the room during a fight is okay. Afterwards, the parents need to talk to their daughter and let her know that she wasn't sent away because she was rejected, but because her behaviour disrupted the rest of family life."

Further example families

...can be found in our large dossier on disputes and conflicts in the March 2017 issue. The magazine can be ordered HERE .