«We have our say!»

When children are allowed to freely express and defend their opinions at home, things can sometimes get loud and emotional. Parents have to put up with this, says our author.

Who hasn't resolved to do everything better in bringing up their children than the generations of parents before them? From my own experience, I can say that patriarchal words of power, threats of punishment and enforcement were virtually ineffective in my own childhood.
I simply experienced them as an abuse of power by the strongest. My wife and I therefore agreed to banish these parenting methods from our family. Yes, you read that correctly: none of our three children were ever punished in any way for alleged or actual misbehaviour. We talked to them about what we thought was wrong. Did that change anything? Mostly - but rarely immediately.

«Forming, formulating and reflecting on your own opinion needs to be learnt and, above all, practised.»

In autumn 2016, my then 12-year-old daughter heard about children's rights for the first time. Together with a school friend, she took part in the children's conference at the Pestalozzi Children's Village and was thrilled to hear that children have special rights.
Together with 40 peers from all over German-speaking Switzerland, she was able to consider what children's rights education could look like at school and how it could be implemented in the classroom. Unfortunately, my daughter and her twin brother have still not been taught about children's rights at school since the end of year 1 in 2018.

We don't need yes-men

Has my daughter's newly acquired knowledge of children's rights changed our family life? No, because it was always a matter of course for us to involve the children in decisions when it came to their concerns. If you want to be able to fulfil your role in society responsibly as an adult, you have to learn to take responsibility and show consideration for the rights and needs of others.
Forming, formulating and reflecting on one's own opinion needs to be learnt and, above all, practised - also or especially in the family. The negotiation processes that arise when participation is practised are not always easy. The tone of the discussions is not necessarily well-tempered, they can sometimes become emotional and therefore loud. If it is important to us to support our children in their development in the best possible way, we parents have to put up with it. We don't need yes-men, but young people who stand up for their own interests and those of others.

To the author:

Thomas Witte ist seit sechs Jahren Leiter Marketing und Kommunikation der Stiftung Kinderdorf Pestalozzi. Als Vater von drei Kindern setzt er sich im familiären und schulischen Rahmen mit den Kinderrechten auseinander.
Thomas Witte has been Head of Marketing and Communication at the Pestalozzi Children's Foundation for six years. As the father of three children, he deals with children's rights in the family and at school.

About the Pestalozzi Children's Foundation

The Pestalozzi Children's Foundation is an internationally active children's aid organisation. Children and young people have been at the centre of its activities since 1946. The Children's Village in Trogen is a place of peace-building, where children from Switzerland and abroad learn to deal with cultural and social differences through exchange. In twelve countries around the world, the foundation provides disadvantaged children with access to quality education.
www.pestalozzi.ch