Rainbow families - and how are the children doing?

Petra and Nicole have been a couple for seven years, both want to have a child and start a family. Andreas and Simon also want to share their happiness with a child. Both couples are exemplary for many rainbow families living in Switzerland. The national umbrella organisation Rainbow Families estimates that up to 30,000 children grow up in such a family constellation. In addition to patchwork families and single-parent families, rainbow families therefore extend the traditional family picture with a mother, father and children.
However, same-sex couples face major hurdles if they want to realise their desire to have children. For one thing, decisions have to be made, such as which of the two partners is biologically related to the child. In addition, there are many legal obstacles to overcome in Switzerland.

These children develop in a similar way to children who grow up with a mother and father.

Access to adoption and in-vitro fertilisation is only provided for heterosexual married couples. Nevertheless, stepchild adoption will also be granted to same-sex couples in future. This means that from now on, same-sex parents and their children will receive the urgently needed legal protection that heterosexual families take for granted. The new legal provision ensures, for example, that children who grow up in rainbow families are entitled to an orphan's pension in the event of death or maintenance in the event of separation.
To understand rainbow families, it is important to keep the legal aspects in mind. In the following text, however, we focus on the question of the well-being of children in rainbow families.
Psychologists agree that children need stable and reliable relationships with their parents or other carers in order to develop healthily. The mere presence of attachment figures is not enough for children to develop well. Rather, the type of relationship that conveys emotional security is crucial.

It depends on the type of relationship

From a psychological perspective, it is to be expected that same-sex couples can offer their children this type of relationship. This is also shown by current research: children with same-sex parents develop in a similar way to children who grow up with a mother and father.
Surveys of parents and teachers consistently reveal the same picture: children who grow up with two mothers or two fathers do not differ in their emotional development. They are equally happy, equally anxious and have no greater or lesser risk of developing behavioural problems or psychological or somatic symptoms than children who grow up with a mother and father. There are also no differences in terms of cognitive development. Children show the same learning behaviour at school and are socially integrated in a similar way. They even score the same in intelligence tests.
In observations of adoptive parents, experts also rate the interaction with the children as the same. Children react in the same way to their parents, and the co-operation of both parents is also comparable. Interestingly, the behaviour of same-sex adoptive parents is even rated as more sensitive than the behaviour of heterosexual adoptive parents.
To summarise, it can be said that positive parent-child relationships are far more important for the development of a child than the gender or sexual orientation of the parents. A recently published representative study conducted in the USA between 2011 and 2012 came to the same conclusion. In this study, it was ensured that the randomly selected pairs of parents had all been together since the birth of the child and were raising the child together. In addition, each child in the study aged between 6 and 17 had a so-called twin in the comparison sample with an identical age and socio-economic background in order to achieve a high level of significance for the results.

Having two mums or two dads can mean that the child is laughed at.

The children of Nicole and Petra or Andreas and Simon are therefore not expected to develop any differently to their neighbours' children with a mother and father. The only expected difference could be that same-sex parent couples will share childcare and housework more evenly. Several studies have shown that both same-sex parents are usually more active in childcare than heterosexual biological fathers.

Aren't the children teased?

Andreas and Simon are worried that their child could be teased at school and decide to prepare their child for this. Representative studies on this topic are still lacking. However, studies show that around a quarter to half of children report experiences of being teased. Having two mums or two dads can mean that a child is insulted and laughed at or has to put up with annoying questions from peers.

Parents and teachers must do important educational work and intervene directly in cases of teasing.

However, based on the previously mentioned studies on well-being, it does not have to be assumed that children with same-sex parents tend to be the victims of severe teasing more often. If this were the case, we would have to conclude that children from rainbow families have poorer psychological well-being or even lower self-esteem. However, a survey of rainbow families in Germany showed that children have a higher self-esteem and that around 90 per cent of young people are open about their family background. When it comes to teasing, adults definitely need to take action. Parents and teachers need to do important educational work regarding different family forms and intervene directly in cases of teasing. The use of swear words such as «you gay pig» should not be tolerated.

Andreas and Simon are aware that, as a rainbow family in a small village, they have to do pioneering work like the first divorced families once did. Nicole and Petra have fewer concerns; in their town, rainbow families have long been part of everyday life.

What does this mean for Swiss children?

To date, there has been no broad-based psychological research on the well-being of children in rainbow families in Switzerland. However, it can also be expected for Switzerland that the gender and sexual orientation of the parents are not decisive for the well-being of the children, but rather the existence of reliable emotional relationships with their parents. The research results presented originate from Western countries - Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands, Australia and the USA - and should be transferable to Switzerland in the broadest sense.
As far as legal equality for rainbow families in Switzerland is concerned, legislation is lagging well behind. Yet this is a crucial prerequisite for social acceptance and an important basis for tackling the ongoing stigmatisation and discrimination of these living arrangements. This would not only benefit same-sex couples and their children, but also adolescent gay, lesbian or bisexual young people. For young people in particular, legal equality would send a positive signal and thus promote acceptance of their own homosexuality.

In Switzerland, too, we find an increased risk of suicide for young homosexual men.

In Switzerland, as in many other countries, we also find an increased risk of suicide for young gay and bisexual men (women were not analysed). Fear of stigmatisation of children should therefore not be a reason to prevent legal equality for same-sex couples and their families. As long as legal equality has not been achieved, the law will also contribute to the perpetuation of stigmatisation and will not prevent same-sex loving people and their children from continuing to be met with prejudice.

About the person:

Couples wanted for study!

Intimate relationships and partnerships are hugely important for our well-being and health. A team from the University of Fribourg is investigating how different couples communicate and interact in different situations. The study is interested in the role of gender in couple communication, including different types of couples (same-sex, heterosexual, etc.). It also aims to improve knowledge about the well-being of same-sex couples in Switzerland.
Participation in the study consists of two parts:

• Eine Studienmitarbeiterin be­sucht Sie zu Hause: Ausfüllen von Fragebogen und Videoaufzeich­nungen der Paarkommunikation, Dauer: zwei bis zweieinhalb Stun­den. 
• Tagebuchstudie mit Smart­phones während 14 Tagen: Sie beantworten täglich kurze Fra­geserien (drei bis fünf Minuten) zu Ihrer alltäglichen Kommunika­tion und Ihrem aktuellen Befin­den. Die Smartphones werden zur Verfügung gestellt.

You will receive CHF 200 as a couple for participating in the study. You can take part if you fulfil the following conditions: You have been living in a committed partnership for at least six months (whether mixed or same-sex, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer), you are both at least 20 years old and are willing to participate as a couple. You also live together or see each other at least four times a week.
Are you interested? We look forward to hearing from you on 026 300 74 86 or www.diversecouples.ch and will be happy to inform you about the specific programme content.