Ouch, dethroned!
Exploding nappies, Oscar-worthy tantrums, pointy building blocks on the floor - I don't wish most of the things that make up the toddler years back. But that look. That enthusiastic bouncing and squealing just because I enter the same room... What I would give to experience that again! Today, I get exasperated eye rolls and sighs just because I dare to exist.
As a baby and toddler parent, you can't really do much wrong. Ok, this whole parenting thing is still brand new, the little ones can't say anything and you're groping in a fog of guesswork and tiredness. But as soon as you pick up your child and look at them - the sun comes out. They beam at us, even if we are covered in breastfeeding spots. They laugh their heads off just because we fart our lips. As a mum and dad of a small child, you are a star in a world without critics.
«Well, Mummy, I think Mrs Büttiker from children's gymnastics is MUCH prettier than you. AND she's better at it!»
Unfortunately, in the years to come, we see how the children's glow becomes duller, how small doubts about our status creep in. «You-ho, but our teacher says tomatoes are fruit, not vegetables.» For a while, we can talk ourselves out of it by saying «yes, sure, you can see it that way...». But we feel that our star is sinking, others are rising and shining brighter. And at some point, when we're struggling through a grey, dull day as parents, it comes: «Well, Mummy, I think Mrs Büttiker from children's gymnastics is MUCH prettier than you. AND she's better at it!»
Ouch, dethroned! Just like that, next to the crumbly dining table. Regardless of the fact that we changed this ungrateful creature's nappies 5000 times. Everything forgotten. Our bonus cancelled, pushed off the parental throne.
The teenage attitudes: Mum is demoted from star to intern
By the time the child becomes a teenager, we don't even have an extra role in their film. We are under the most critical gaze of all time. Downgraded directly from star to unpaid intern who can offer them five-star service around the clock and still get paid for it.
We used to be able to do nothing wrong, now suddenly we can't do anything right. Our choice of words? «Wow, don't try to talk like us, it's so embarrassing!». Our furnishing style? «Is this fluffy stuff supposed to be hyggelig or what?». Our clothes? «Well, those jeans wouldn't have looked good on you even 20 years ago». Our jobs? «You have to be stupid enough to let yourself be exploited like that!». Our choices, our values, our visage: all so fucked up.
I want to be really spotlighted for once! How do I manage that? Organise a surprise party with DJ Antoine, order a helicopter, fly in Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin with a trendy leather jacket as a party outfit for every guest?
I'm sure it would all go down well. Until the moment I want to get my glow on. Mummy at my party? So embarrassing!
So I'd rather look at beaming baby photos and moan: «It was lovely on my throne back then...».
Picture: Fotolia
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