Only those who play can have a say!

I'll take the liberty of assuming that you have an e-mail address, perhaps surf the World Wide Web every day and even feed your Facebook page with things that interest you from time to time. Every day we communicate online, search for information and acquire the necessary skills and competences. Some are quicker, others have difficulties and, for example, publish nude photos that cost them their job in the Federal Parliament.

However, adults generally have a hard time with the first purely digital entertainment medium of all things: video games. Their commercial beginnings date back to 1972, when Atari's «Pong», an extremely simple table tennis simulation game, was launched in gaming parlours. Where once two strokes and a wandering dot provided entertainment, today cyber clones of Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal face each other in stadiums reconstructed to scale. In view of this fundamental change, the parental statement «I used to play myself» seems very weak. "Pac-Man, Space Invaders and the like have about as much in common with today's games as a scooter has with a high-speed train.

Parents play on their mobile phones but don't want to know anything about video games.

The gaming community has also changed. 53 per cent of gamers are male, 47 per cent female. This almost balanced ratio is due to the advent of smartphones and mobile games on phones. These are primarily played by women. Players have also become older on average - and thus the generation gap has narrowed.
Nevertheless, parents' attitudes towards the video games favoured by their children have hardly changed. If the game is more complex than the quick puzzle game on the mobile phone or the slimmed-down version of a real-time strategy game like «The Settlers», this puts many parents off. Titles such as «Fifa» or action games such as «Call of Duty» or «GTA 5» not only require nerves of steel, but also a great deal of dexterity, responsiveness and, above all, time. All of these components make it difficult to access a medium that, according to the James Study by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences, is regularly used by over 90 per cent of male Swiss teenagers. For this reason alone, we parents cannot afford not to engage with this interactive medium ourselves and rely on third-party experiences.

Place your trust in the expert guidance of your child!

Computer games in particular are characterised by a very individual experience because interactivity plays a major role in the game. Everyone feels the game a little differently, but everyone has to experience it for themselves in order to understand it. We know something similar from sport. For example, there are days when the ball runs smoothly: every shot is a goal. But then there are moments that are characterised by doubt. You play hesitantly, get annoyed about stupid mistakes. There are no such experiences when watching a film. Such moments require active involvement.

Mistakes in general: they are simply part of gaming. Nobody likes them, but «trial and error» is the basis of the medium. The nice thing is that you can't break anything in the game. Compared to the kids who simply try things out, we «oldsters» are always accompanied by the fear of doing something wrong or breaking something. We can confidently put this unpleasant feeling aside and entrust ourselves to the expert guidance of our children.

You will learn a lot about the laws and mechanisms of games!

Sure: The position of the learner will be unfamiliar to you. Normally, we are the ones who teach the kids a lot based on our experience. Now we are moving into their world, a world in which they achieve great things: saving the universe, winning wars or ruling over virtual subjects like gods. Some of the games are reminiscent of cops and robbers. But in terms of experience, there was nothing comparable in our childhood. We could only dream of being superheroes. We were denied the chance to actually play them, to plant a bomb somewhere like James Bond and then watch the fireworks from a safe distance.

But it takes patience to experience this. From you and even more from your offspring. You didn't learn to type in five minutes either. But here you need to be able to operate a good dozen buttons and switches on the controller blindly, otherwise you'll be away from the screen. It is therefore advisable to start with a simple video game such as car racing. Sure, you'll spend the first few minutes thundering from crash barrier to crash barrier, but after that the learning curve is pretty steep. Patience is rewarded with the shared gaming experience, and of course you will also learn more about the mechanisms and laws of games afterwards.

Watching does not count!

They learn that online role-playing games such as «Skyrim» or «League of Legends» take more time per game than «FIFA» or a racing game. In online games that are played together with friends, you can't simply save and quit like you can in a single online game. You will be more competent in the next discussion about your child's other commitments such as homework, dinner and tidying up. Of course, you won't be able to prevent the discussion.

The basic prerequisite for entering the world of video games is genuine interest. If not for the games, then at least for the children's pastime. An ingratiating attitude will be exposed. Take the opportunity to enter into dialogue with the boys in particular and let them explain things to you. You will be amazed at how otherwise taciturn contemporaries talk about their achievements and adventures. Cyberspace is all about experiencing. Watching is not an option.
This text appeared in the 10/14 print edition of the Swiss parents' magazine Fritz+Fränzi. The issue can be ordered here.

Tips for parents when gaming with children

• Start with a simple game such as a car racing game or a tennis simulation. Responsive players can also choose a shooter.

„

• You must be able to operate the buttons blindly, and this takes time and practice. Be patient!

„

• Ask your children about their favourite games and find out more online. For example, you can watch game stars on www.ign.com or www.twitch.tv. However, you will need your children for the explanation.

Tips for kids when gaming together with parents...

• Sit on your hands. Hands off the controller! Explain button by button what mum or dad has to do.

„

• You didn't realise everything straight away either, and your parents had to be patient. Now it's your turn to be patient!

„

• Your parents will fail again and again. Encourage them to keep going. You are the coaches. Help them with tips on how they can do better.

Read more:

• Generation smartphone: How media skills contribute to a better parent-child relationship
• 22 questions and answers on media education