«One big rollercoaster ride»
We tell
Civan: «We've known each other since secondary school, but we only became friends later.»
Sefora: «From the age of 20, I lived in India for four years. I never lost touch with Civan. At some point, we realised that there was more to it than friendship.»
Civan: «When she came back in 2017, we became a couple.»
Sefora: «The topic of children came up quickly: It was right with us. Our daughter was born in 2018. Shortly after the birth, Civan graduated from IT secondary school and I obtained my marketing diploma.»
Civan: «I joined a start-up, Sefora stayed at home. Our daughter was a demanding baby, we wanted to support her in a needs-orientated way.»
Sefora: «However, we hadn't realised that needs-based parenting also includes the needs of the mother and father.»
Civan: «We had lost sight of this in our endeavours to be good parents.»
Sefora: «Civan was working, children weren't an issue for my friends, other mums were much older. I was lonely.»
Civan: «We argued a lot, but had no energy to tackle problems.»
Sefora: «Our relationship almost broke up.»
Civan : «If it hadn't been for our son.»
Sefora: «You could assume that the second pregnancy would have been the last straw. In fact, it made us change things.»
Civan: «I took a job that was more family-friendly, our daughter went to playgroup and Sefora started to prepare for her independence.»
Sefora: «We started talking again and realised what we were missing: time as a couple, but also physical closeness with each other.»
Civan: «We decided to put sex on the calendar as a weekly activity.»
Sefora: «It was a rescue attempt. Like a stop-gap for a car - in the hope that the battery would start running again by itself.»
Civan: «At some point, the desire came before the agenda called. We also deliberately took the time to talk.»
«We decided to put sex in the diary as an office. At some point, the desire came back before the agenda called.»
Sefora: «Our son was born in November 2019 - and immediately admitted to the children's hospital.»
Civan: «The doctors suspected a neurological condition. What was wrong with him remained unclear.»
Sefora: «After a month, we took him home without a diagnosis. But our boy developed surprisingly well.»
Civan: «The joy of his progress, the relationship that grew between our children: that was the happiest time of my life.»
Sefora: «Our son died unexpectedly when he was 14 months old. It's hard to put the grief into words. Fortunately, our daughter is there to show us the beauty of life, despite everything.»
Civan: «It was our son who brought us back together. As a couple, we took his departure as an opportunity to choose each other once again and to take care of what he left behind.»
Sefora: «He was our greatest teacher. Thanks to him, we shape our lives even more consciously.»
Civan: «Also by trying to go our own way, regardless of conventions. That's also how I found the courage to start my own business in sport.»
Sefora: «Our story is a rollercoaster ride. But we're growing with it.»
Read more about being parents, staying a couple:
- What makes couples strong
Many people want a partnership for life. But crises usually occur halfway through at the latest: The daily grind and stress gnaw away at the relationship. How does love work in times of a multi-option society? - «An affair is not a declaration of bankruptcy»
Couples and sex therapist Helke Bruchhaus Steinert knows what can help to revitalise eroticism when sex has become rare in everyday parental life. And explains why intimacy should not be confused with fusion. - «It was a disaster»
Claudia*, 40, and Marco, 47, a medical practice assistant and technical draughtsman from Basel, tried out an open relationship. The experiment ended in chaos, but it was still instructive for the parents of a son, 12, and a daughter, 8. - «At some point, enough is enough»
For Chiara, 40, and Curdin Erni-Biondi, 41, from Scuol GR, relationship crises always occur in winter: The father spends most of it on the mountain, which often pushes his wife to the limit. On the other hand, the parents of Andri, 10, Lia, 9, and Charlie-Corsin, 2, rarely have arguments in summer. - «Children move on, the partner stays»
Since becoming parents, Tabea Plattner, 43, and her husband Jonas, 45, from Hindelbank BE, have regularly takentime out as a couple. This has saved their love, say the musician and the agricultural scientist, parents of Janic, 21, Ramon, 20, Joel, 16, and Mauro, 14. - 5 tips for parents on maintaining relationships
Mums and dads often grow apart in everyday family life - find out what parents can do about it here. - The right way to argue and book tips
With the first child, the couple's relationship changes - and often becomes a partnership of convenience in the daily grind and stress. Find out here what parents can do to ensure that love and lust don't disappear and how to argue properly.