«My child has so much potential, but they're lazy!»

Whilst the parents are torn between incomprehension, frustration, pressure, anger, disappointment and worries about the future, their teenager acts as if nothing's wrong. School? Not that important. Exam preparation? Not a chance. Doing homework? Only in the absolute worst-case scenario. The parents are at a loss: why on earth is such a «bright spark» doing the bare minimum at school?

In this article, we explore the most common reasons why some young people make little effort at school – and highlight where we, as caregivers, can step in.

Motivational talk during puberty

During puberty, most teenagers’ focus shifts: physical changes, emotional turmoil, the search for their own identity and a sense of belonging, perhaps their first crush… Amidst all this turmoil, school often takes a back seat for a while.

What parents and carers can do:

Sometimes it's easier for us to connect with our child if we think back to our own teenage years. How important was school to us at that age? What was on our minds back then?

Do young people not think about their future? Isn't it rather the case that we adults think so much about the future that we forget about the present?

Together with our child, we can think about how they can get the most out of their studies with the least possible effort: Which learning strategies will help them reach their goal the quickest? What grades do they absolutely need to achieve to land their dream job?

Over- or under-challenged

Some children and teenagers find it hard to engage with their studies because they feel overwhelmed. Perhaps they struggle to grasp the material, or perhaps their ability to organise themselves and control their impulses is not yet sufficiently developed to enable them to start studying on time and tackle even uninteresting topics.

Other teenagers find school too easy and stop trying because they’ re bored.

What parents and carers can do:

If this is a possibility, it helps to work with a specialist to identify exactly where the child is struggling and what they might need. Perhaps educational videos on YouTube could help untangle the problem? Perhaps the child would prefer to have the schoolwork explained by an AI? Perhaps it would help them to work alongside us so they don't feel so alone? Perhaps they need help with planning? Perhaps more challenging tasks would motivate them?

A lack of meaningful experience

«What's the point of this? What's the use of trying so hard anyway? I'm going to be an influencer anyway , so I don't need a degree! AI's going to take our jobs anyway.» You hear comments like these time and time again from school pupils.

What parents and carers can do:

As teachers, we can take these «why» questions seriously and highlight the benefits of the subject matter: «This maths problem helps develop logical thinking», «This task helps build our self-discipline». In the case of «I'm going to be an influencer», it's worth taking a look behind the scenes with the young people.

Sometimes, openly displayed minimalism also serves to protect one's self-esteem.

Often, this career aspiration loses its appeal when they realise how many hours these people invest in their content, how much of their privacy they sacrifice, how dependent they are on their community, and how much malice they face. For many young people, the enthusiasm fades by the time they've given it a go – after the tenth video that hasn't gone viral and has only managed to garner one or two sobering likes.

A move away from «bourgeois narrow-mindedness»

Sometimes, «being a slacker» is also a form of active resistance to the way adults live their lives. «I'm supposed to make an effort? To rush off to work in the morning, power through one appointment after another, and constantly complain about the constant stress?»

«Chill out!» is often a sincere call to us. A call that means: live a bit more in the moment and don't take everything so seriously. Make room for enjoyment and friendships. Be carefree. Don't waste your whole life focusing on «musts» and «later».

All too often, young people are accused of not thinking about their future. But perhaps we ourselves are so preoccupied with the future that we end up forgetting about the present?

Self-sabotage

Sometimes, openly displayed minimalism also serves to protect one's self-esteem. In self-handicapping, people unconsciously put obstacles in their own way so that, in the event of failure, they have an explanation that has nothing to do with their own ability and does not dent their self-esteem.

Pupils with this tendency usually do not prepare for tests at all, or only at the very last minute. They prefer to pack their diaries so full of social engagements, hobbies or part-time jobs that there is hardly any room left for schoolwork. The reasoning behind this is: «If I get a bad mark, it's because of that – and not because I'm stupid or incapable.»

If caregivers now point out to the child that they are so clever or gifted, or have so much potential, the prospect of trying hard becomes even more daunting: «What if it doesn't work out after all? Then everyone will realise that I'm stupid and incapable! I'd rather stay lazy and leave my potential untapped!»