Mrs Mulle, why do parents and teachers clash so much?

Mrs Mulle, the relationship between teachers and parents in many schools is described as an «expansion of the combat zone». Is that the case?
A lot of things are blown up in the media. I dare say that the majority of parents are doing well.
And yet you write in the lower school magazine «4bis8»: «There are parents who should be sent to Mars!»
Yes, some parents do indeed seem unteachable, they seem to have a «grumbling gene» in them that constantly drives them forward. They can't accept the status quo. But they are not in the majority. Many conflicts can be prevented by having a round table and discussing what constitutes school quality.
The Zurich University of Teacher Education preaches to prospective teachers that «co-operative and constructive collaboration with parents is the norm».
It would be wrong to make students afraid of parents. The way they approach parents is usually the way they are received.
However, if a dispute does arise, you are called in by schools as a mediator. What is it about?
Most parents want support. They encounter new types of school and forms of learning that are incomprehensible to them and increasingly unsettle them. This happens above all in urban schools, where the differences in performance are particularly large. Parents therefore criticise school management, the achievement of learning objectives, teaching methods, grading and preparation for secondary school. These can be factual motives, but also very personal ones. They often accuse the teachers of embarrassing their child. But there are also parent delegates who are annoyed that they are only used to bake cakes, make coffee and press stopwatches.

«Teachers are frustrated that parents only give negative feedback and expect too much.»

Mediator Maya Mulle

And what frustrates the teachers?
That parents hardly give any positive feedback, expect too much, don't participate, don't co-operate, talk negatively about the school.
Heretically asked: What harbours greater potential for conflict: ambitious helicopter parents or parents with a migration background and little interest in their children's everyday school life?
I often find that parents with a lower level of education and an immigrant background are grateful for everything the school does. They are happy to provide support if they are actively involved. It becomes difficult for the teachers if they hardly speak any German, don't make contact with the school and there is a lack of support for the children at home. Helicopter parents are not difficult per se. But they can be challenging because they have high expectations and are well informed. They are communicative, sometimes more eloquent than the teachers and are not afraid to seek legal advice. They are often afraid that their child will not receive enough support.

An Avenir Suisse study from 2012 («The strained middle class») shows that middle-class parents suffer the most from today's educational pressure.
This is also my perception. We have many well-educated fathers and mothers who have achieved something. They criticise the fact that school goals and the teaching of subjects are not transparent enough. Parents want their children to do better. Even better than them. They want them to succeed. In this day and age, however, we seem to have limits, especially due to economic developments. That is why I am in favour of placing greater emphasis on educational success. This includes social skills and characterises people who actively take their place in society.
Is a pinch of humour also missing from the conversations between teachers and parents?
That is certainly the case. But if you yourself are affected or even attacked, it is also difficult to react with humour. That's why I'm in favour of establishing and strengthening cultures of welcome and encounter that help people to get to know each other and build trust.
You yourself are the mother of two children who are now grown up. How did you find working with the teaching staff back then?
It was mostly good. But that also has to do with the fact that our children went through school without any major problems. As a school governor, I had an insight and was therefore better able to categorise and understand the changes and framework conditions.

«Parents want to care and are unsettled by new teaching methods.»

Mediator Maya Mulle

Were you a «tiger mum» like in the bestselling «Drill» book by Chinese author Amy Chua?
No, that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I didn't push my children. But yes, achievement has always been an important value for me. In retrospect, I've also heard that others regretted my children because of it. Nevertheless, the teachers tended to accept my high expectations because they also experienced my active support.
In the past, the teacher was a person that parents looked up to, an authority. There has been a paradigm shift. Conservative parents don't respect a young teacher per se.
That's true. That's why a dialogue at eye level is a quality criterion for me. It's about appreciation. As a mother, I want my values to be accepted because we parents are ultimately responsible for the development of our children.
Who is more unruly in conversations: the father or the mother?
I often hear that the mother is basically responsible, but the father «steps in when things get difficult».
What do you think about involving the children in parental discussions?
I generally welcome it when the children are involved. However, I advise against it in highly charged conflict situations. Children should not be misused as translators. However, I do find it helpful if children can contribute their own opinions and suggestions for further developments. I also often consciously invite children to take part in mediation. They are best placed to contribute what they need and from whom.
What do you personally want for the school in 2020?
I would like the pupils to be at the centre. Learning and assessment processes should be transparent and comprehensible, so we need to talk to each other! Preferably at a round table and with everyone involved: pupils, teachers and parent delegates. The aim must be to make learning and teaching fun first and foremost.

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