«More part-time work and university daycare centres are needed for more children»

Author, philosopher and mother of five Daniela Nagel talks about her lively extended family, why young people want more children again and the challenge of doing justice to everyone.

Mrs Nagel, the first baby changes everything. Which of your four subsequent
children have influenced the family structure the most

Numbers three and four are twins, so this was the biggest turning point in purely practical terms. Neither the old pram nor the car were enough now. Nevertheless, it wasn't until we had our fifth child that we really felt like a family with lots of children.

For a long time, the two-child family was considered ideal. According to surveys, more and more young people now want three or more children. How do you explain this?

On the one hand, many younger people are distancing themselves from the old way of life. On the other hand
family life seems to be less and less of a contradiction to pursuing one's own career path.

«Only with the fifth child do we really feel like a large family».

The birth rate in Switzerland is 1.5 children per woman - despite the desire for more children.
desire for more children. Why is this?

The search for the right partner, training and the first few years of work
drag on. Often the time window for many children is simply too small. Perhaps it would help to give young people more support in realising their desire to have children earlier, for example through daycare centres at university, part-time work during training and more recognition for the courageous decision not to wait until all the circumstances are perfect. Because they never are.

When the younger of two children starts nursery school, many couples
many couples start to wish for a third child. Why then?

On the one hand, capacities become free again, and especially when the first few years as a family
were wonderful, many people feel sad that the magic of welcoming a new person has now come to an end. It was the same for us.

The desire for more children usually comes from the mother.

Strange really, as the changes are much greater for the woman than for the man. Perhaps after two children, many men are put off by the thought of having less and less space in the relationship. Fortunately, we always had a similar desire to have children. Otherwise I wouldn't have embarked on this adventure.

«The time window is often simply too small for many children.»

What are the advantages of having more children than the usual two?

The liveliness in the family is completely different. What's more, most parents become
more relaxed with each child. And the family phase lasts longer. My husband and I are now just forty. If we only had the two big ones - aged 16 and 18 - we would soon be out of work as parents. And that's while some of our friends are just having their first baby. That would be kind of sad.

And the disadvantages?

It's not just the enjoyable family phases that drag on, but the stressful ones too. The logistical and financial burden increases as the children get older. At the same time, it becomes more difficult to reconcile private and professional life with many children. And the challenge of doing justice to all the children becomes greater.

«Parents become more relaxed with every child»

What influenced your decision to have another child the most?

We took a very intuitive and less rational approach. And we were lucky that all five of them were the sweetest and easiest babies to look after. The circumstances, such as the supportive grandparents or my ability to work relatively flexibly as a freelancer, also gave us the courage to have lots of children.

And why was there no sixth?

We have often thought that we should have had a sixth child straight away, because our youngest is sometimes almost like an only child - the twins are five years older and a close-knit team. But everyone has their own personal limits, and we reached them after the fifth child. Now we have five schoolchildren and really enjoy our newfound freedom.

About the author

Daniela Nagel ist studierte Philosophin und Autorin. «Fünf Kinder? Sie Ärmste!» heisst ihr «Survivalguide für gelassene Mehrfachmütter» – so der Untertitel. Die fünffache Mutter schreibt auch Romane, sowohl unter ihrem echten Namen als auch unter dem Pseudonym Marie Adams. Zudem betreibt sie einen Bücherblog und coacht Autorinnen und Autoren.
Daniela Nagel is a graduate philosopher and author. "Five children? Poor you!" is the subtitle of her "Survival guide for serene multiple mums". The mother of five also writes novels, both under her real name and under the pseudonym Marie Adams. She also runs a book blog and coaches authors. www.danielanagel.de

Read more:

  • More and more young people want to have three or more children. There is still a gap between desire and reality - but a trend away from the two-child family ideal can be seen. From the lives of two large families.