Jennifer Grabbe, 39, lives with her husband Christoph, 47, and their two sons Liandro, 8, and Nevin, 6, in Oerlingen, Zurich. She is a commercial clerk and he is a forklift mechanic.
Sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through all this. Every year, my husband and I say: next year we'll do less. But somehow we keep up the same workload. The mental load in our everyday family life is high. Everything has to be just right, I can't forget anything, otherwise the whole system collapses.
My day often begins before sunrise. I get up at 4.30 a.m., prepare snacks for the children, make lunch, pack school bags and lay out clothes. Then I drive to my job at a body shop, where I work as a commercial clerk – officially 60 per cent of the time, but in reality it's often more like 70 per cent. My husband takes care of the children during this time, takes them to nursery and school, and then drives to work himself .
My mind never really stops. Even when I'm doing something else, the internal list keeps running.
When I come home from work, I often have shopping to do. Then it's on to homework, laundry, school communications or a dentist appointment. We have deliberately chosen not to use external childcare. Nursery would be expensive, and we want to be there for our children as much as possible. Only on one afternoon do my parents take over childcare duties.
In the evenings, when the children are in bed, one of us usually goes back to the workshop. We make metal creations: fire columns, gift items. It started out as a hobby, but has now become a small side business.
Everyday life like a baton change
My mind never really stops. Even when I'm doing something else, my inner list keeps running: What's on the agenda for tomorrow? Where are the missing signatures? Is everything packed for the forest day? I keep track of all the family logistics.
I know when gymnastics day is, when one child needs to practise reading and the other needs a new jacket. I tell my husband what needs to be done and he helps out wherever he can. This system gives me security – even if it is exhausting. I'd rather be the one in charge than rely on someone else to think of everything.
Only when one of the children gets ill does everything come to a standstill. That stresses me out.
I probably seem very energetic. I function well. That's because of our system. Our everyday life works like a relay race. Only when one of the children gets sick does everything come to a halt, and then the entire plan is disrupted. That stresses me out.
So far, we only get a break during our holidays. Then the computer is off and there's no to-do list. Then we are simply a family. In theory, we know that we should also think about getting more rest in our everyday lives. Christoph is more realistic than I am in this regard. He often says, «That's enough.» Then he needs a break, goes for a jog or does strength training in the basement. I notice when his nerves are on edge – and give him time to be alone.
I recharge my batteries differently. An hour with a friend, a coffee break, dinner with someone close to me. Or just talking. And complaining. Sometimes it's enough when someone says, «Poor you, that sounds exhausting,» and gives me a hug. And I say, «Yes, it is.» Then somehow it's already better.
