«Is school really the most important thing?»

«Ask Sarah!»

Is school really the most important thing? It annoys me that my parents and grandparents always want to know if I'm doing well at school and if everything is going well there. But I don't like going to school at all. When I say that, though, it immediately causes arguments at home. I feel like they don't see me at all.
Marvin, 14

Dear Marvin

No. School is not the most important thing. Neither in your life nor in general. But: it is still important. That sounds like a contradiction. Let me explain.

What is school for? It is for teaching children to read, write and do arithmetic. And to learn lots of things about our world, such as geography, biology, chemistry, physics and history. It also teaches skills in drawing, music and sport. And foreign languages such as French and English are part of it too.

A profession is important so that every person can pursue an occupation that allows them to earn a living.

Without this school education, it would be very difficult to learn a profession later on. And a profession is important so that everyone can do a job that allows them to earn a living. In the past, people would have said: you have to be able to earn your keep. This simply means that at some point, everyone stops living with their parents and having everything paid for them, and has to support themselves.

Ideally, you will later find a job that you really enjoy. After all, if you have to go somewhere every day and work for eight hours, you should enjoy it as much as possible, right?

What is important to you?

Now comes another «but»: school is actually not the most important thing in life. So what is important? What is important to you, dear Marvin?

For many adults, health is very important, as is the well-being of their family. It is important to have people around you that you can rely on. Personally, I would say that it is important to find meaning in life. Having meaning in life means having an inner drive, a fulfilling task, a goal that motivates you every day to get up and approach the day with a positive attitude.

Young people often tell me that their friends and colleagues are important to them. Or their hobbies: sports or music, for example. But also their parents, siblings and pets. Finding one's identity is central to adolescence. It's about who you are and who you want to be or become.

Development during puberty

This includes developing into a young man (or young woman). Your body is changing more and more from that of a child to that of a man. As a boy, you can grow up to ten centimetres per year at your age.

Some boys remain slim and rather small at first – until they suddenly shoot up in height and gain muscle mass. Today, many young people are very interested in their own appearance and, unfortunately, often dissatisfied with it because they are too self-critical.

Your parents want you to have the best possible opportunities later in life. By doing so, they are showing you that you are important to them.

What role do you want to play in our society? What would you like to get involved in – for example, politics, sport, climate protection? Or nothing in particular for now? That's okay too.

Your friends and colleagues are also important, of course. Not only do they accompany you through your youth, but you will remain friends with some of them for the rest of your life. Just imagine: what will you be doing together in ten, twenty or thirty years' time?

Friendship and first love

Having good friends can help you in many situations. Whether you have problems at school, with your family or in your free time, your mates can listen to you, comfort you and be there for you. You can experience great moments together and spend time with each other.

First love can also be important at your age. It can be something wonderful that brings a new dimension to your life. But regardless of whether you have already had experiences with it or not, at some point the topic will also play a role for you.

Arouse parents' interest in other things

I can well understand that it frustrates you when your parents or grandparents don't «see» you in all these things. From their point of view, school and education come first. They want you to have the best possible opportunities later on to lead an independent, happy life. In their own way, they are showing that they care about you and that you are important to them.

However, you currently have other priorities. Perhaps you could try to explain this to them when you have a quiet moment. Tell them that you are as committed to school as you possibly can be. And that you understand their concern about your career choice. But that you would also like to see them take an interest in your life outside school – in other words, in you.

Good luck!