«I want to solve problems myself»
Tobi: «Since puberty, I've been out with friends much more often, especially in the evenings, and generally spend less time with my parents.»
Fiona: «We used to organise our free time. Now Tobi also announces plans and says when she wants to go out, spend the night with a friend or invite someone round. I think it's a nice development that her personality is becoming more and more noticeable.»
Bettina: «You're not just physically at eye level - I find it exciting to hear Tobi's opinion, her view of the world or us. But it's also true: small children, small worries, big children, big worries. I think parents can help more when small children have problems. It was difficult for me to realise that we hardly have any influence on many of the challenges that Tobi faces. She had already overcome a few difficult situations in which we would have liked to offer her more support or help her in other ways - but she didn't want that.»
Parents often see things as worse than they are.
Tobi, 14
Tobi: «I want to solve problems myself. I can talk to my parents about anything and often tell them about my life. I don't like talking openly about my feelings. Puberty is not an easy age. You have difficult feelings, sometimes you don't feel well and you don't even know why. If you talk about it, it's more likely to be with people your own age.»
Fiona: «Their reaction is perhaps more helpful than ours, because parents are very empathetic.»
Loose clothing - an irritating topic
Tobi: «They overreact. Parents often see things as worse than they are. They act as if there's a huge mess in the room, but it's not so bad. Or when I want to have my hair coloured or gel nails done: In our discussions, you'd think I was talking about two-metre-long fingernails. Another issue is revealing clothing: I understand parents' concerns, but I don't think it's up to us girls not to show too much skin - it's up to adults to keep themselves in check when they see it.»
Fiona: «But it's also about other topics such as body image, the competition between girls, who looks how, or self-esteem, which shouldn't depend on it. Puberty also brings with it a lot of insecurities - you're also very exposed in that respect with so little material.»
Bettina: «Consumer issues also play a role: How many products do we need, where do they come from? Young people are in a difficult situation: on the one hand, they are supposed to live consciously, but on the other, they are constantly being encouraged to buy things on all channels.»
Tobi: «These young people need to change something, they say. There are great expectations and little understanding: you should raise your voice, but not be too loud on the tram, not consume, but always have the latest thing. It seems impossible to do it right.»
