Hold out the argument!

«I actually get on really well with my daughter - if it weren't for the mobile phone issue.»

The father of a 13-year-old hits the nerve of many families when he says: «I actually get on really well with my daughter - if it weren't for the mobile phone issue.» Because there are constant arguments about the use of screen devices. Even when it comes to the most basic rules, such as media time.
One hour is 60 minutes, you would think. But when an hour begins and when it ends is by no means clear. Does it include the YouTube tutorial on fractions? - «That's learning.» Or the sports programme - «You actually want to watch that». And what about the minutes when your child has to go to the toilet during their media time? That needs to be negotiated.

«As parents, put up with arguments - especially with teenagers.»

Does arguing make you independent?

Such discussions depress the mood, don't stop - and are exhausting. Despite clear rules and agreements, children and young people are always trying to get longer usage times. They often argue that everyone else is allowed to use their devices for much longer - all their friends, all their classmates, even the whole world! This is tiring, frustrating and normal. But above all, it's positive. As parents, put up with arguments - especially with teenagers. It's part of their development. The difficult thing is to maintain a constructive dialogue.
This means: let your child put forward their point of view and explain yours. This is how teenagers learn to argue and develop healthy self-confidence. This strengthens them, especially in the face of peer pressure. Teenagers who frequently engage in well-founded arguments with their parents are less susceptible to negative influences. They develop a healthy independence at home, which carries over into their relationships with their peers.

«Fight about the issue, not the relationship.»

So explain your experiences, insist on adherence to the rules and don't shy away from conflict with your child. But argue properly: argue about the issue, not about the relationship. Convince them with factual arguments; avoid constant monologues or insults. And let your teenagers put forward their arguments. Do you think this stricter attitude gives children and young people less freedom? Remember: this attitude simultaneously gives your children guidance and protects them from excessive demands. After all, children who can argue their case in the protection of a functioning family have a better chance of «fighting» their way to adulthood. And it's okay for things to get a little more intense.
Picture: zVg

To the author:

On Medienstark you will find tips and interactive learning modules for the competent use of digital media in everyday family life. swisscom.ch/medienstark