«Help, our son's friend says everyone is gay»

"Our son's best friend, 13, calls all sorts of people 'gay'," write Claudia, 37, and Marc, 38, from Suhr in the canton of Aargau. "How should we intervene when other children use swear words?"
This is what our team of experts says:
Nicole Althaus:Der Junge ist alt genug, um eine klare Ansage zu hören: dass «schwul» kein Schimpf­wort ist, sondern eine sexuel­le Ausrichtung. Dass es genau so falsch und sexistisch ist, «schwul» als Schimpfwort zu gebrauchen, wie «Nigger» rassistisch ist und dass Sie deshalb das in ihrem Haus nicht dulden.
Nicole Althaus
The boy is old enough to hear a clear message: that «gay» is not a swear word, but a sexual orientation. That it is just as wrong and sexist to use «gay» as a swear word as «nigger» is racist and that you therefore do not tolerate it in your home.
Peter Schneider: Wenn der Freund Ihres Soh­nes einen gewissen Sinn für paradoxe Ironie hätte, könn­ten Sie ihm sagen, sie fänden den Gebrauch des Wortes «schwul» als Schimpfwort «total behindert» und wollten das Wort daher in Ihrer Gegenwart nicht mehr hören. Andererseits müssen sie auch nicht allzu hysterisch reagieren, denn ein Schwulenhasser wird man kaum deshalb, weil man in seiner unbedarften Jugend unangemessenen Schimpfwörtern ausgesetzt war. Man wird auch keine Nymphomanin, weil die Freundin alles «geil» findet.
Peter Schneider
If your son's friend had a certain sense of paradoxical irony, you could tell him that you find the use of the word «gay» as a swearword «totally retarded» and therefore don't want to hear the word around you anymore. On the other hand, you don't have to react too hysterically either, because you hardly become a homophobe because you were exposed to inappropriate swear words in your ignorant youth. Nor do you become a nymphomaniac because your girlfriend thinks everything is «cool».
<img alt="Tonia von Gunten:Intervene, like this: «You call other people gay. I want to talk to you about that. It bothers me that you say that and I don't know what's funny about it. I'd like you to rethink the way you treat people and stop insulting people based on their appearance or sexual preference. How do you see that?»« src="https://www.fritzundfraenzi.ch/uploads/2021/08/492e405b66cc771f04873014409e1b75.jpg» />
Tonia von Gunten
Intervene like this: «You call other people gay. I want to talk to you about that. It bothers me that you say that and I don't know what's funny about it. I'd like you to rethink the way you treat people and stop insulting other people because of their appearance or sexual preference. How do you see that?»


Our team of experts:
Nicole Althaus, 48, is a columnist, author and member of the editorial board of "NZZ am Sonntag". She was previously editor-in-chief of "wir eltern" and initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children, 16 and 12.
Tonia von Gunten, 43, is a parenting coach, educator and author. She runs elternpower.ch, a programme that aims to bring fresh energy into families and strengthen parents in their relationship skills. Tonia von Gunten is married and the mother of two children, 10 and 7.
Peter Schneider, 59, works as a psychoanalyst and columnist in Zurich. Until 2017, he was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology in Bremen; he currently teaches the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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