«Help, my teenagers want a storm-free day!»

Reader question:
My husband and I are travelling to Ticino for a weekend on business. Our children, 10 and 14, want to stay at home alone and invite friends round. We want to be modern, uncomplicated parents, but we don't have a good feeling about it. What advice would you give us?
Reto, 49, and Anna, 39, St. Gallen

Nicole Althaus:

An uneasy feeling does not make you an old-fashioned parent. Ask yourself why you don't trust your children to be on their own. Are they not independent enough in your eyes? Are you worried about the interior design? Or are you worried about the bad influence of friends? You can protect the interior by putting precious things away and setting clear rules. The guest list can be controlled. However, both require complete trust in the children. Personally, I think that a 14-year-old child can be alone for a weekend, but should not be responsible for a 10-year-old sibling.

Kathrin Buholzer:

If you want to be modern and uncomplicated parents, tell your children: «Listen. We don't have a good feeling about this. We don't want other children in the house while we're away.» Explain to your children what exactly is causing you a stomach ache. Try to find a compromise together that works for everyone. You could find someone to take over supervision for the time your friends are here or to drop in on your children from time to time. If everything goes well, give your children a little more responsibility next time.

Peter Schneider:

Leave the little ones, but organise someone to check on them briefly - say at one or two o'clock - and make sure they are in bed. You will have to put up with a little poof. In return, your children will be proud of how independent they already are.

Nicole Althaus,
47, is a columnist, author and member of the editorial team at NZZ am Sonntag. She was previously editor-in-chief of "wir eltern" and initiated and managed the mum blog on "Tagesanzeiger.ch". Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children, 15 and 11.
Kathrin Buholzer,
42, is a journalist, parenting counsellor, operator of the parenting blog "www.elternplanet.ch" and mother of two daughters, 13 and 11.
Peter Schneider,
Peter Schneider works as a psychoanalyst and columnist in Zurich. Until 2017, he was Professor of Developmental and Educational Psychology in Bremen; he currently teaches the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.

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