«Facing grief with strength»

Ms Finkam, November is considered a month of mourning. You are the only funeral director in Switzerland who specialises in children. How did this come about?

I used to be a traditional funeral director. Working with families who had lost a child, I realised that there was no one who specialised in their needs. These needs are different from those of a family whose grandmother has died. There is immense vulnerability, a need for intimacy, a desire to do everything humanly possible for the deceased child. That is why it is so important for families to be able to say goodbye in their own way.

However, this fails due to practical issues: coffins and urns are usually only available in standard sizes, there is a lack of opportunities to get creative or accompany the child on their journey – there is no room in the hearse. While there are professionals specialising in children in every area of life, this expertise is lacking when it comes to death.

How do you help affected families?

I assist them with all organisational matters, but above all, as I said, I want to enable them to take their own path of farewell. The days between death and burial offer a final opportunity to create strengthening, precious memories in the presence of the deceased child. It is important to make the most of these moments.

Those who not only survive the farewell, but actively help to shape it, emerge from the mourning phase stronger.

Unfortunately, bereaved families often do not learn in time what options are available to them: that they can take their child home, bathe them or go for a last walk with them, for example. Needs vary greatly. One thing is certain: those who not only survive the farewell, but also actively participate in it, are better equipped to face the grieving process. This is especially true for siblings. We encourage families to involve children and support them in their participation with age-appropriate non-fiction books and a variety of creative materials.

You have also established the Sternenplatz relief fund – who is it aimed at?

Especially when a child has been ill for a long time and parents have reduced their workload, bereaved families are often financially stretched to the limit. The donation-funded fund enables them to say goodbye to their child and siblings in a way that is right and important for them.

starlightfunerals.co.uk