«Corporal punishment can lead children astray»
My husband and I both come from authoritarian homes. I rebelled against this, took the other side early on and am very socially orientated. Yanick and I are convinced that corporal punishment of children should be banned. Yanick experiences often enough in his everyday life as a police officer how little such punishments achieve. He also has to deal with juvenile offenders, who are often only 12 or 13 years old. These children are punished by the police, and many are also beaten up by their parents for their offence.
A week later, Yanick catches these children stealing again or beating up other children. They learn one thing above all from their parents' corporal punishment: they imitate the pattern of violence. That doesn't mean that we are raising children in an anti-authoritarian way. We both have clear rules and boundaries. I'm also sometimes happy when Yanick puts his foot down and says: «So, that's the end of the matter.»
We are not quite as radically opposed to rewards as we are to punishments.
However, this does not mean that we punish our children for misbehaviour or threaten them with punishment. An example: When our son Noel was in fourth grade, a big maths exam was coming up. I asked him several times to study for it. He said: «You have to trust me.» I thought: «He has to have this experience himself.» That was very difficult for me because I knew he would fail the test.
He then came home with a bad mark and was incredibly sad. A punishment wasn't necessary at all, nor was a line like «I told you so». On the contrary: I hugged him. He had learnt his lesson and we never had that discussion again. We are not quite as radically opposed to rewards as we are to punishments.
However, we try to avoid material incentives and instead give the gift of time together. Recently, our daughter Joa tidied the whole flat as a surprise for us. Yanick and I then had a pizza and TV evening that night. The children were very happy about this thank you! My husband and I fully agree with Astrid Lindgren: «Give the children love, love and more love and the manners will come naturally.»
My father ridiculed my upbringing for a long time. He always thought that we were spoiling and spoiling the children in this way. Shortly before he died, he changed his mind. He told me that he thought our children were wonderfully friendly and well behaved. He now knew that there was no need for authoritarian strictness, but that communication was the key.
