I was 13 when I smoked weed for the first time. A friend had stolen some from his parents. We couldn't stop laughing; everything was slower and funnier. That's what it was all about back then: having fun together, doing silly things. In the second year of secondary school, I started smoking cigarettes. We spent our lunch breaks smoking, and eventually smoking weed as well.
I wanted to block out reality, such as my parents' constant conflicts.
As long as my grades didn't suffer, I told myself it was okay. Then I started smoking weed more and more often. My grades remained good, so it was a bit of fun! Today I know that it was already about more than that. I wanted to block out reality, such as my parents' constant conflicts.
After secondary school, I attended the tenth year of school. Soon I had been accepted for an apprenticeship. From then on, I smoked even more weed. I spent my lunch money on grass. The start of my apprenticeship was bumpy: I realised that commercial training wasn't for me. I found the teachers demotivating. My apprenticeship contract was terminated, and I was unemployed for six months, smoking up to 20 joints a day.
A nervous breakdown changes everything
I didn't listen to my parents, who had separated. My mother forbade me from smoking weed at home, while my father tried to convince me with his arguments. Nothing worked. But I went to the addiction counselling centre regularly. At first, my parents had forced me to go, but then I realised that it was nice to have someone to talk to.
At my second apprenticeship, things were going well at school, but there were problems at work. I took refuge in smoking weed. Whenever I had the chance, I also used cocaine. After we had gambled away a lot of money online using false identities, my colleague and I decided to give up cocaine.
Cool people are not those who consume, but those who stand up for themselves and say no.
But without joints, nothing worked. My parents kept talking about sending me to a clinic. I threatened to blow my brains out. When I had a nervous breakdown at the office, my father picked me up and said that my addiction counsellor knew of a clinic that could take me in. I was tired of arguments, and I certainly didn't want to continue my apprenticeship, so I agreed.
Lack of motivation and inertia
Within seven days, my mindset changed completely. I realised how good the clinic was for me. There were therapies, I went to school, I met nice people. Despite sleeping pills, I couldn't sleep for three nights. That's when it dawned on me how smoking weed had ruined me. An incident also opened my eyes: I had to be rushed to hospital with a ruptured lung. That's when I knew: no more smoking weed.
That was a year ago. To this day, I haven't relapsed. It's crazy what that stuff did to me: I used to be able to express myself very articulately, but now I have trouble finding the right words, and even mental arithmetic is difficult. Cannabis has burned itself into my brain: I still lack motivation and feel sluggish to this day.
It seems to me that I am not cut out for work. I hope that I can overcome this attitude. I am unemployed and want to find an apprenticeship with the support of disability insurance. My advice to young people is: don't take drugs. It's not those who use drugs who are cool, but those who stand up for themselves and say no.
* Name changed
