Better a dog than another child

After three children, the Légé family has now acquired an animal family member. And mum Ulrike is amazed at how many advantages the four-legged offspring has over the two-legged one.

Having children is all the rage at the moment: three is the new two. Children are symbols of a well-lived life. Parents are the hipsters and heroes of the nation. Even if most of the time we feel like the nation's dorks. When we take a look at our bank statement, for example, or at the parent-teacher conference at school.

My husband and I think our own children are great too, at least most of the time. But after three children, we decided to have a puppy rather than another child. And we're glad we did. After a month with Sunny, we think: Having children is very overrated. And that despite crumpled slippers and puddles of wee everywhere.

Those eyes! No wonder the Légé family is so in love! Pictures:zVg

Well, maybe we're still in the infatuation phase with our dog. Falling for the childish scheme. A teeny bit gaga when it comes to our Sunny puppy. But objectively speaking, dogs do have some advantages over children:

Hunde wollen es uns recht machen: Hundetrainer nennen es den «will to please». Wir lesen es einfach in diesem treuen Hundeaugen-Blick. Er scheint uns ständig zu fragen: «Was soll ich denn jetzt machen, um dir zu gefallen?» Unsere Kids haben wir noch nie so schauen sehen. Sie werfen uns den «Da kannst du lange drauf warten!»-Blick zu. Oder den «Sag noch einen Ton, und ich schreie so laut, dass dir die Ohren abfallen»-Blick. Oder den klassischen Teenie-Blick: «Himmel, warum muss nur ich so endpeinliche Eltern abgekriegt haben?». Aber einen «will to please» bei Kindern? Den haben wir noch nie gesehen.

Hunde werden schnell stubenrein: Was haben wir bei unserem Trio für einen Zirkus um das Sauberwerden gemacht. Ich werde nie vergessen, wie unser Sohn meinem Zahnarzt stolz verkündete: «Ich kriege immer ein Gummibärchen, wenn ich den ganzen Tag nicht in die Hose mache – du auch?» Der Zahnarzt bohrte mir vor lauter Lachen fast einen neuen Wurzelkanal. Die Mädchen bekamen glitzernde Einhorn-Aufkleber, neue Unterhosen und Töpfchen, die bei erfolgreichem Füllen anfingen zu singen. Trotzdem dauerte es über drei Jahre. Unser Hund kriegt nur Gudeli und schafft es in drei Tagen. Von gelegentlichen Pfützchen mal abgesehen...

Hunde sind so gemütlich: Wenn unser Hund sich mitten ins Wohnzimmer legt, denke ich: «Jööööh, wie herzig! So tiefenentspannt! Da leg ich mich doch gleich aufs Sofa daneben.» Deshalb senken Hunde den Blutdruck. Das ist bewiesen. Sobald ein Kind abhängt und chillaxt, werde ich hingegen richtig hässig. Sofort denke ich: «Mensch, dein Zimmer sieht aus, als sei ein Spielzeug-Laden explodiert. Du hast garantiert noch keine Hausis gemacht. Stehst du eigentlich je auf, ohne dass Mami dir in den Allerwertesten tritt?!» Deshalb erhöhen Kinder den Blutdruck. Das vermute ich mal.

To get the children to go out with me, I have to promise them game time and pack a gourmet picnic. The dog, on the other hand, even brings me his lead!

Dogs like to go outside: When we try to persuade our offspring to do something outside, we start with negotiations that are tougher than the bilateral treaties between Bern and Brussels. In the end, they have worked out that mum packs a gourmet picnic, dad builds a tree house and there has to be ice cream and game time for everyone afterwards. In exchange for them graciously coming with us into the forest for an hour. Our dog only sees me walking towards the door when he comes running out enthusiastically. Every time and in all weathers. He even brings me his lead, so I don't have to pack anything.

Dogs will eat anything: I can pour dry food into my dog's bowl that looks like freeze-dried rabbit poo and he'll eat it. Right down to the last bit. His tinned food looks as if a dog has eaten it before. But he wolfs it down in no time at all. Our teenager, on the other hand, only comments on my freshly and lovingly cooked spaghetti bolognese with «If it's minced meat, can't you make enchiladas? And is it organic?». His youngest sister shouts: «Well, I only eat my pasta naked anyway!» (Fortunately, she means without sauce.)

And dogs have even more advantages...

Dogs look forward to our return: even if I only go out for a minute to take away the rubbish, there is a dog at the door full of joy at seeing me again. He's so excited to see me that it's not just his tail that's wagging, but half the little dog. My children used to be like that when they were very small. They wagged with joy. Just not with their tails. Now I'm lucky if a teen even notices my return. And the girls immediately attack me with: «Mum, that stupid cow drew on my wardrobe when you were away!», «I didn't, you snitch!», «Mumaa, now she wants to hit me!». That's when the doors start to shake.
Raising dogs is uncomplicated: You can only do it wrong when it comes to raising children. Too much cuddling or too little love. Too much strictness or too few boundaries. Too much interference or too little support. As soon as you get out of the parental trench wars about breastfeeding, there are those about immunisation. Then the ones about the right hobbies, friends and school moves. It's a minefield - wherever you step, someone always goes off. Dog training, on the other hand, is so nice: a few simple rules such as «only wee outside», a few treats. You've already got a well-behaved dog and everyone loves it. Finally a sense of achievement!

Oops - 7 to 0 in favour of the dog?

The score here is clearly 7:0 in favour of dogs. Yes, we love our children. But if we had to decide again, would we really get three children and just one dog? Or would we rather have three dogs and one child?

Admittedly, dogs don't pay anything into the AHV. They don't leave us with adorable grandchildren to spoil shamelessly later on and then give them away again when they become unhappy. And our dogs probably don't bring us our favourite pralines to the old people's home either. That's where children catch up a bit. It's not their fault that they don't have a fuzzy coat and no «will to please».

Maybe it will just be three dogs and three children. A tie. Then they can keep each other busy.

More about the family dog Sunny:

On Sunny's first birthday, Ulrike Légé takes stock: Read here whether she is still so enthusiastic about her choice.