Martin and I got together when I was 16. I fell pregnant at the age of 29, and Max was born in 2007. A year later, I started a new job as a teacher and met my current husband, Peter*, there.
At first, we were just work colleagues, but little by little we developed feelings for one another. It was a very difficult time because we both felt guilty. Peter was tormented by the thought that he was «destroying» a family.
At some point, I told Martin about Peter and that I wasn't sure whether I had feelings for him. In June 2010, I split up with Martin following an argument. At first, I moved in with a friend, and Martin's parents came to stay with him at our house in Sursee, LU*.
Those were some awful days without my son. I had a very close relationship with Martin's family, especially with his mother – and that's still the case today. I felt guilty towards her too , until she made it clear to me that she didn't want to cut off contact with me.
Total emotional turmoil after a break-up
After that, I went back to Martin and we slept in the same bed for several more months. We comforted each other and went through the break-up together. I was feeling really low during that time, yet at the same time I was newly in love. My emotions were in complete turmoil. I started smoking again and lost 15 kilograms in a short space of time.
I can't help but take my hat off to my ex-husband Martin. It's impressive how calmly he handled the situation. He didn't hold a grudge against Peter; in fact, he even went for a coffee with him. Whilst they were meeting, I was nearly driven mad at home. The two of them, however, had a good chat and got on well.
Instinctively, I wanted to deal with the break-up differently from my parents.
In October 2010, I moved to Olten, SO*. I was working 80 per cent of full time and Max lived with me most of the time. However, we always took a flexible approach to his care. Sometimes I also stayed overnight at the house in Sursee.
When Max was eleven, he moved in with Martin and his new wife because he wasn't getting on well at school. That was very hard for me. But I have no right to decide where Max lives. These days, Max travels back and forth between his two homes on his own. I have two children with Peter, aged nine and twelve.
The ex-husband becomes best man – and vice versa
Instinctively, I wanted to deal with the break-up differently from my parents. My father had also fallen in love with another woman, but couldn't bring himself to tell my mother. By the time he left us, he already had a child with his new partner. To this day, my mother remains stuck in the role of the victim.
From the very beginning, it was clear to Martin and me that we would put Max's wellbeing first, rather than our own egos. We are grateful for the 16 years we spent together, and we have always been able to talk about anything and everything. We never felt the need to hurt one another or cause each other financial harm.
It still takes a certain amount of generosity to accept the other person's quirks and decisions, and to look past them.
When Peter and I got married, Martin was my best man, and at his wedding I was his maid of honour. We're still good friends today and always manage to find a good solution when it comes to matters concerning Max.
However, it still takes a certain amount of maturity to accept the other person's quirks and decisions, and to look past them. That is the basis for it. And although we get on well, I realise that it wasn't easy for Max growing up with separated parents.
* Names and places have been changed and are known to the editors.
