At home in the home

The Star Wars figures are lined up on the buffet like tin soldiers. The desk is tidy, exercise books are on top and a poster with a map of the world hangs on the wall. Fabio*, 11, sits in his room. In the world he shares with his 13-year-old brother since the police rang the doorbell one afternoon. «We were playing and had to go straight away,» he remembers. He knows that his parents separated at the time. Since then, they have been fighting in court over custody, as they both want to keep the children with them. The brothers are only at home at weekends and on holidays.

Detached houses, father, mother, one, two, sometimes even three children. They romp through lovingly landscaped gardens, jump on their trampolines and play football. This is the community of Münsingen, 15 kilometres south-east of Bern. Here, of all places, another building blends into the neighbourhood, whose residents only know something like an intact family life from days gone by - and in some cases have never known it: the Sonnhalde children's home.

Everyday family life XL instead of huge dormitories, lousy food, harassment or violence.

«Not at home, but at home ...», the motto of the home is emblazoned on the large board next to the coat of arms of the Salvation Army, the organisation that runs the facility. At full occupancy, 24 boys and girls aged from a few days to the end of their education are accommodated here in three residential groups. There are five youth rooms in the main building for young people aged 16 and over. There is also a basketball court, a football pitch, a pool and a garden with a trampoline, sandpit and seesaw.

Huge dormitories, lousy food, harassment, abuse, violence - the Sonnhalde children's home does not conjure up the gloomy images of days gone by that still flash through many people's minds when they hear the word «children's home». Rather, life here is reminiscent of everyday family life XL. «Opened in 1967, the children's home was one of the first in Switzerland to be designed according to the so-called family system,» says institution director Pascal Jermann. This neighbourhood was therefore a deliberate choice for the home's location.
In other respects, too, much resembles «normal» family structures. The residential groups, spread across three flats, keep to themselves during the day, are mixed in age and gather around the dining table in the kitchen for every meal. There is a living room with a shelf and lots of board games and a television that is only switched on at certain times. Family rules, after all. People sleep on the upper floor, in single or twin rooms. Pascal Jermann: «If three siblings come to us together, a bed can also be added.»

«I sleep upstairs,» says Fabio, pointing to the bunk bed with his desk underneath. Does he like it here? The boy shrugs his shoulders. Where would he rather live? He doesn't have to think twice: «With mum.» He is often sad. And his big brother is no different. «Reto* often can't sleep at night, so he comes to bed with me,» says Fabio. You're less alone as a couple. «But I'll only be happy again when we're with mum.» When that will be is uncertain.

Pascal Jermann knows that not all matrimonial proceedings take place on this scale. The arrangements are often finalised after a few weeks or months and the parents have reached an agreement. «In more serious cases, where child abuse allegations against the ex-partner also have to be raised and clarified, and the fronts between the parents have hardened to such an extent that the authorities consider the psychological pressure on the children to be too serious, placement in a home can be a temporary solution.» However, it is often impossible to predict how long this war of the roses will last. Fabio and his brother have been living in a children's home for two years.

The children and young people are often referred by the child and adult protection authorities (KESB). In the majority of cases, the mothers are mentally ill, have addiction problems and can no longer look after the child's welfare. Pascal Jermann: «The fathers are usually no longer present at this point.» The second largest group is made up of cases with a migration background, where the livelihood is not secure and it is not clear whether and for how long the parents will be allowed to stay in the country. And then there are the marriage protection proceedings, where children should not be exposed to the burdens.

The new arrivals at the Sonnhalde children's home are on average between five and seven years old. This is when children in Switzerland start kindergarten and school and the teacher notices that a girl comes to class hungry every day or a boy wears long-sleeved T-shirts with bruises underneath, even in the height of summer. Pascal Jermann: «The accommodation in the home is always suboptimal.» If experts like him have their way, children should be returned to their families as quickly as possible or, at best, to foster families, relatives or, in the case of older adolescents, to shared flats in training companies, for example. That is the ideal. The reality is different. Children and young people live at the Sonnhalde children's home for six to eight years, and some spend their entire childhood and adolescence here.

Some residents spend their entire childhood in the Sonnhalde children's home.

Alexandra Barton stands at the window and watches her protégés play. The social pedagogue runs the Saphir group. The residential groups at the Sonnhalde children's home are named after gemstones. A team of six social pedagogues is responsible for each residential unit. During the day, two carers help each group to cope with everyday life, and there is always someone there at night if one of the babies cries or ghosts creep into the children's dreams.

Alexandra Barton sees the biggest challenge in the fact that such different characters come together and each child brings their own story with them, «which we don't even know in detail at the beginning,» she says. It's clear that such stories leave traces such as learning and attention difficulties, abnormalities in social behaviour, so-called stress symptoms. The children need particularly good day-to-day support, but they do not have any serious mental disorders. The home is not designed for this. The residents attend mainstream schools in Münsingen and Bern.

Alexandra Barton realises that many of her protégés miss their mother or father. «Some miss them for the rest of their lives.» She will never be able to replace them. And the social pedagogue doesn't want to. «We don't want to compete with the parents,» she says. That wouldn't be professional. And yet the children in the children's home should have as good a time as possible. For birthdays, every carer and every child makes a card for the birthday child, there are sweets, their favourite dish and of course - presents.

Alexandra Barton does not believe that this residential address puts the children and young people at a disadvantage - for example when looking for an apprenticeship. Nevertheless, the centre supports them in their job search. How do I write an application, how do I successfully conduct a job interview? The young people are taken by the hand as they take the step towards independence. When they move out, they can walk on their own. Assisted living is then generally not necessary, says Pascal Jermann.

Fabio's brother Reto comes home from school at 4 pm and puts his rucksack in the corner. Today he has to do some research on the computer for school. Then he will go out and play basketball until he is called in for dinner - a daily routine almost like in a normal family.

* Name changed by the editors.