A father between lip pump and spider legs
The sight of a spider makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I have a hysterical reaction to black slugs with hairy legs. Recently, when I was watering the houseplant, there was a black devil sitting next to the pot. I almost dropped the watering can in shock and took a big leap backwards. Then I took another small step forwards, and another, until I was so close to the target that I realised what had frightened me so much: an eyelash extension.
Since then, I have come acrossfalse eyelashes in all sorts of places around the house, as well as false fingernails, dirty brown make-up remover wipes (which I initially thought were something else too ...), make-up brushes, black pens in various sizes and much more. I've since got used to the fact that make-up doesn't just leave traces on my face.
And I'm also learning a lot in the process: if you had asked me what eyeliner, concealer or mascara were until recently, I would have had to guess. I would probably have dismissed «eyeliner» as a new film by Tom Cruise, «concealer» as a comic hero and «mascara» as a Greek dish.
My daughters are naturally blessed with attributes that others are sure to envy: long eyelashes, beautifully arched eyebrows, full lips, interesting facial features, beautiful complexion. Mother Nature has truly been kind to them. And yet they don't even go to the letterbox without make-up. They are painted, plucked, powdered, brushed, anointed and glued for all they're worth. Depending on the occasion, this procedure can fill an afternoon, often in the presence of friends. The results are impressive: I often hardly recognise my daughters afterwards.
Did you know that you can also pump up your lips for the perfect duck face selfie? I do now!
Recently, a strange pink silicone item caught my eye. I could have bet that it was a sex toy and was suitably shocked, especially as it was on the kitchen shelf ... Anaïs (17) assured me convincingly that it was a so-called lip pump, an auxiliary instrument for large pouty lips. At first glance, it looks a little unusual, but it is said to work wonders. Without any chemicals or pain. The lip pump is simply placed on the lips and pressed firmly for two minutes until a vacuum is created. The result is full lips - for a few minutes, I suppose. At least that's enough time to take a selfie with a duck face.
I've given up trying to convince my daughters that they disfigure themselves with make-up instead of beautifying themselves. And that they look great without make-up. As long as Mother Nature keeps the upper hand over the beauty doctor and make-up contributes to their well-being, it's all half as bad.
And somehow it even seems familiar to me: My well-intentioned advice goes as unheeded as my parents' advice almost 40 years ago to trim my mane. Short hair would look so much better on me ...
To the author:
Andreas B. lives in the suburbs of a large German-speaking Swiss city, has been separated for four years and is a single parent. His teenage daughters and their friends actually have different names, but we want to prevent future employers from coming across these unvarnished adolescent experiences. For example, he has already reported on their secret joyrides.
