Help, do I have to stop smoking as a role model?

I smoke a cigar now and again, purely for pleasure. My wife is a non-smoker. Now we've noticed that our son, 15, smokes cigarettes in secret. When I ask him about it, he just says: «You smoke yourself.»

What our experts say:

Nicole Althaus
Well - the difficult thing about being a role model is that you're also a role model when you're not. 1:0 in favour of your son. Now you only have the parent joker left: Not everything the grown-ups are allowed to do, the little ones are allowed to do. Cigarettes, voting and driving are taboo until 18. After that, he can do whatever he wants. But until then, if you get wind that he's been smoking again, you won't pay a cent towards his driving licence. It worked for me.
Tonia von Gunten
Young people try out a lot on their way to adulthood. They question the values that we have given them along the way, that's part of it. Nevertheless, we parents leave a lasting impression on our children. You smoke yourself. But that doesn't mean you have to approve of your son smoking at 15. Tell him that. It's important that he knows your personal attitude. But don't play the policeman - become your son's training mate. Which of you is more likely to stop smoking?

Peter Schneider
Tell him that you're not Miss Switzerland, who has to be a role model, but his father, who forbids him to smoke because it's unhealthy.


Our team of experts:

Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.

Tonia von Gunten, 42, is a parenting coach, educator and author. She runs elternpower.ch, a programme that aims to bring fresh energy into families and strengthen parents in their relationship skills. Tonia von Gunten is married and the mother of two children, 9 and 6.

Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.

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