I was 13 when I smoked weed for the first time. A mate had nicked some weed from his parents. We couldn't stop laughing; everything seemed to move more slowly and was funnier. That's what it was all about back then: having fun together, getting up to silly antics. I started smoking cigarettes in my second year of secondary school. During lunch breaks, we'd pass the time smoking cigarettes, and eventually we started smoking weed as well.
I wanted to block out reality – things like my parents’ constant arguments.
As long as my grades didn't suffer, I told myself it was fine. Then I started smoking weed more and more often. My grades stayed good, so it was a bit of fun! Now I know there was already more to it than that. I wanted to block out reality – like my parents’ constant arguments.
After secondary school, I went on to do the tenth year. I was soon offered an apprenticeship. From then on, I smoked even more weed. I spent my meal allowance on weed. The start of my apprenticeship was a bit of a bumpy ride: I realised that the commercial apprenticeship just wasn't for me academically. I found the teachers demotivating. My apprenticeship contract was terminated, and I was then unemployed for six months, smoking up to 20 joints a day.
A nervous breakdown changes everything
I didn't listen to my parents, who had separated. My mum forbade me from smoking weed at home, whilst my dad tried to persuade me with his arguments. Nothing worked. I did, however, go to the addiction counselling centre regularly. At first, my parents had forced me to go, but then I realised it was nice to have someone to talk to.
Things were going well at school during my second apprenticeship, but there were problems at work. I took refuge in smoking weed. Whenever the opportunity arose, I'd also take coke. After we'd gambled away a lot of money online using false identities, my colleague and I decided to give up the coke.
It's not those who consume who are cool, but those who stand up for themselves and say no.
But I couldn't function without a joint. My parents were constantly talking about sending me to a clinic. I threatened to blow my brains out. When I had a nervous breakdown at the office, my father came to collect me and said my addiction counsellor knew of a clinic that could take me in. I'd had enough of arguments – and certainly enough of my apprenticeship – so I agreed.
Lack of motivation and laziness
Within seven days, my mindset had completely changed. I realised just how much the clinic was helping me. There were therapy sessions, I went to school, and I met some lovely people. For three nights, I couldn't get a wink of sleep, despite taking sleeping tablets. That's when it dawned on me just how much smoking weed had ruined me. An incident also opened my eyes: I had to be rushed to hospital because of a punctured lung. That's when I knew: that was it for smoking weed.
That was a year ago. I haven't relapsed since. It's incredible what that stuff did to me: I used to be able to express myself very articulately, but now I struggle to find the right words, and even doing mental arithmetic is difficult. Cannabis has left a lasting mark on my brain: I still suffer from a lack of motivation and lethargy to this day.
It seems to me that I'm not cut out for work. I hope I can get past this mindset. I'm unemployed and want to find an apprenticeship with the help of disability insurance. My advice to young people is: don't take drugs. It's not those who take drugs who are cool, but those who stand up for themselves and say no.
* Name changed
